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Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to improve transport safety is to lead the driver test each year. What extend to you agree or disagree.

#people #transport #safety #driver #test #year
Safety in public transportation is a critical subject which is always under experiment. Safety in driving, not only saves
driver's
Correct article usage
the driver's
show examples
 life and
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 in the car
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 saves other's lives which are passing by. It's purely important that
drivers
 will be always under control by checking their mental and physical health.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 must have strict laws regarding
this
 matter because when an accident happens,
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 the expenses that have been
ocuured
Correct your spelling
incurred
, many lives might be in danger which is not irreparable. It's totally a correct opinion that
drivers
 must repeat
tests
 every year
otherwise
 their driving
lisence
Correct your spelling
licence
license
 will be expired. In these annual
tests
, physical and mental
tests
 must unquestionably be included.
Also
, there should be a test that challenges their ability to decide
critical
Change the adjective
critically
show examples
 and
deside
Correct your spelling
decide
 fast in drastically stressful situations. Probably it wouldn't be a bad idea to include a test that insists
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 newly added laws related to the driving in city and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
. The
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 must provide a situation
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
drivers
 would attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
tests
voluntierly
Correct your spelling
voluntarily
. Perhaps they can announce that if any driver tries to attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
annual
tests
 2
monthes
Correct your spelling
months
 earlier before the
lisence
Correct your spelling
licence
license
goes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
expired
Wrong verb form
expires
show examples
, he/ she would receive a bonus which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could
be removing
Wrong verb form
remove
show examples
 one fine from the system. In
this
 case, nobody would leave
tests
 to the
last
 remained days and it leads to
controling
Correct your spelling
controlling
 the crowd. In conclusion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could stop
further
 injuries and expenses by passing a law to encourage
drivers
 to pass needful
tests
 every year.
In addition
,
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 passing the
mnetioned
Correct your spelling
mentioned
 law, the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 needs to teach people about the results of not being patient in driving by showing some accidents and their consequences
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 broadcast, so that people would be aware of the feasible injuries.
Submitted by maryamnikfekr on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the question fully. Incorporate a balanced argument by discussing both sides if the prompt suggests, and substantiate your opinion with detailed examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done a great job organizing your essay logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve, consider varying your sentence structures and using linking words to make transitions between ideas smoother.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, establishing the importance of safety in driving.
Supported Main Points
You clearly present your main points with explanations, making your argument stronger.
Conclusion
The conclusion successfully recaps your argument, reinforcing your stance on annual tests.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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