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Band 3.5

The use of social media is replacing face to face intraction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #face #intraction #people #society
Social
media
such
 as Facebook, Instagram,
Twitter
Correct word choice
and Twitter
show examples
 are tools used to communicate with
people
 of different
culture
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cultures
show examples
,
race
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races
show examples
 and
ethnicity
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ethnicities
show examples
 across the globe. In
this
 modern world,
people
 especially teenagers and young adults have found social
media
 very useful as it helps to learn new things academically or socially,
communicate
Correct word choice
and communicate
show examples
 with their peers without having to leave the comfort of their homes. Social
media
 has
also
 helped to communicate effortlessly with
people
 living in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the continent as has replaced
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
interraction
Correct your spelling
interaction
interactions
.
This
developmement
Correct your spelling
development
 has been found to be beneficial as it allows information to spread easily and quicker;
for instance
, the
united
Capitalize word
United
show examples
kindgom
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Kingdom
 government used social
media
such
 as
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 and
twitter
Capitalize word
Twitter
show examples
 to inform its citizens to remain in the house for a
lock down
Correct your spelling
lockdown
show examples
 during the pandemic.
However
, it has been found that teenagers are radicalised through social
media
 without the
knowlege
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knowledge
 of their
parent
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parents
show examples
 which is
deteriment
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detriment
detrimental
 to the life of
such
child
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a child
show examples
.
Consequently
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Consequently,
show examples
 social
media
 has affected the communication style of
people
 in which they can not communicate effectively with other members of the society. Another disadvantage of social
media
 is the approval of bullying, social sites
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 given room for bullies to reach anyone and on the
media
 sites to bully, threaten and abuse
people
while
 in the comfort of their homes.
while
 social
media
 is indeed beneficial to
people
 and
community
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the community
show examples
, it is
also
Correct your spelling
detrimental
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
 to
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
Submitted by olaryinkar on

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly states your stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This will provide a stronger foundation for your argument.
Examples
Expand on your points with more specific examples. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
Paragraph Structure
Work on creating more clear and distinct paragraphs, each addressing a single main idea. This will improve the essay's organization and readability.
Conclusion
Including a conclusion that summarises your arguments and clearly states your opinion improves the completeness of your essay.
Context Relevance
You've effectively used social media as a context to discuss its impact, showing good relevance to the topic.
Balanced Discussion
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which is excellent for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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