The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to intoduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #intoduce #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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According to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

recent reports,obesity has increased in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and

this

phenomenon has put demands on the

healthsystem

Correct your spelling

health system

to combat

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the issues that provided.

some

Capitalize word

Some

show examples

may reckon that, the ideal way to deal with

this

phenomenon is to establish physical lessons

Change preposition

for

show examples

schools,

Correct word choice

but I

show examples

personally believe that not only lessons

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

diet

can play an important role.

This

essay will discuss

this

in detail. To commence ,

annualy

Correct your spelling

annually

we observe the increase in the rate of fatness among elderly people,not only old, but

also

youngsters.As

Change the article

show examples

clear example ,the recent American news, reported the death of a thousand students in North America,which has involved many other issues for the health system of the country,

however

Add a comma

however,

show examples

this

can

be solve

Change the verb form

be solved

show examples

by adding active and vibrant lessons

Correct your spelling

in order

show examples

inorder

Correct your spelling

in order

show examples

to decrease

this

phenomenon.

On the other hand

,there are many other ways to combat

this

problem ,

such

diet

plays a crucial role .To make it clear , the rate of death among

vegeterians

Correct your spelling

vegetarians

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

less than people who are

overwieght

Correct your spelling

overweight

,so by consuming more protein ,fresh fruits and greens anyone can

reach

Verb problem

have

show examples

a better

life-style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

To sum up

although

education encouragement can be effective,

diet

is a more efficient solution.

Submitted by Elisa on Sun May 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure clarity and organization in presenting arguments. Try to use clear paragraphing to separate different ideas.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the introduction and conclusion for a stronger opening and closing argument. Include a thesis statement and summarize key points effectively.

coherence cohesion

Develop and support your main points more thoroughly. Use specific examples and details to back up your arguments.

task achievement

Fully address the prompt by offering a balanced discussion. Consider exploring both sides of the argument and clearly stating your opinion.

task achievement

Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly and fluently.

task achievement

Engages with the topic and provides a personal perspective.

task achievement

Attempts to use examples to support arguments, like the reference to vegetarian death rates.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

195 words

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