some people believe that if people are not allowed to work after the age of 60, it cause problems. Do you agree or disagree?
The sphere of
job
would be changed through Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
Add an article
an aging
the aging
aging
process of life. Change the spelling
ageing
Thus
, it is debated that the elderly should retire after the
certain age compulsorily, and others Correct article usage
a
argued
that forceful retirement leads to a plethora of harmful problems. I advocate for the latter and in the following paragraph, it will be defended.
It is universally acknowledged that Wrong verb form
argue
the
retirement is an inseparable part of life. In some countries, citizens must be retired by employers, Correct article usage
apply
while
it is not their willing
. It is readily apparent that tolerating Replace the word
will
with
Change preposition
apply
this
change needs a lot of efforts
because they undergo financial issues. To put it differently, Fix the agreement mistake
effort
job
, as a main source of livelihood, will be deprived of old employees. So forth financial issues jeopardize not only mental but Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
also
physical health and also
cause stressful lifestyle
and heart Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
attack
at Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
this
sensitive age. For example
, retired people have to work as a
Correct article usage
apply
taximan
Correct your spelling
taximans
instead
of resting because of awful
economy in Iran.
Add an article
the awful
In addition
, it is undeniable that the aged employees have achieved multitude
of experience over Add an article
a multitude
years
and it definitely assists the work performance even for next generation, too. Despite the fact that it is believed that Correct article usage
the years
taken
jobs by the old causes fewer Wrong verb form
taking
job
positions for the youth, the importance of their experience plays a significant role in efficiency. Besides
, comparing job
positions for these two age periods are
unreasonable because the nature of occupations is various. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
For example
, there is a researching and developing part in factories which is conducted by the experienced workers; however
, other duties like controlling and manufacturing are carried on by the youngest ones.
To sum up
, putting pressure on the elderly people to retire would not be the best solution because it will make them face financial issue
, and Fix the agreement mistake
issues
also
factories require talented, knowledgeable employees.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Introduction
Ensure the introduction clearly states your position on the topic, which you've done well. Also, make it a habit to outline the main arguments that will be discussed in the essay.
Examples
In supporting your main points, strive to integrate a diverse range of examples. Specific real-world examples enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Sentence Complexity
Pay attention to creating more varied and complex sentences to enrich the coherence of your essay. This will also help to maintain the reader's interest throughout.
Paragraph Structure
While you have used paragraphs effectively to structure your essay, focusing on clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph could enhance its logical flow and readability.
Position and Argumentation
You provided a clear position and elaborated on your viewpoints with supporting arguments, which is crucial for task response.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, although they can be more specific, helps to substantiate your arguments and makes your essay more convincing.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and restates your opinion, reinforcing the overall argument.
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