IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that
people
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 always wish to live in a perfect
society
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, but most of the time cannot make it happen
due to
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 several factors. In my opinion, it is hard to create an ideal
society
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 because we live in a world of varieties
such
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 as genders, behaviours, nationalities, habits, backgrounds, and so on.
However
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, it still probably creates an ideal
society
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, if we set the standard of law,
education
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, and policy.
Firstly
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, an ideal community is a place, where it is clean, legal, modern, and
also
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 no crime.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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 believe that everyone should be equal in
this
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 Linking Words
Usage
Correct article usage
The usage
show examples
 of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score. kind of place.
Nevertheless
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, it is very difficult to create because each person has different perspectives and backgrounds including
education
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, living conditions, and personal issues.
For example
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, a recent study showed that remote areas, which lack academic knowledge and the government’s support, tended to be dirty places to live because there are numerous problems, especially crimes and illegal activities. So, it is hardly happens to build an ideal
society
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 without encouragement.
However
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, the key factor to creating an ideal
society
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 is to increase their educational backgrounds by giving necessary studies.
Hence
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,
people
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 increase their awareness of whether something is right or wrong.
Moreover
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, the government should create a standard of law and policy to manage an ideal
society
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, and provide some facilities to build a modern city, which is safe and modern.
For instance
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, the Thai government provided
education
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 to
people
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 who lived in slums, the result was the number of drugs decreased and
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 preferred to do legal jobs
instead
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.
Thus
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,
this
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 is how to create an ideal
society
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. In conclusion, there are still various obstacles to building a perfect community but the government should consider many solutions to deal with pain points.
Furthermore
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,
education
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 and law are essential things to complete ideal societies.

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coherence and cohesion
Add clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments. Make sure that each paragraph corresponds directly to your thesis statement and develops a single main idea.
task achievement
Strengthen your arguments by deepening your explanations. For example, when discussing challenges in building an ideal society, you could elaborate on the social, economic, and political factors that contribute to these issues.
lexical resource
Make sure to use more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. For example, instead of using 'hard', you could say 'challenging' or 'difficult'. This enhances the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the topic and provide relevant examples, which helps in addressing the task effectively.
task achievement
Your use of examples from real-life situations, such as the Thai government's initiatives, adds value to your argument and demonstrates practical understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ideal society
  • equality
  • social justice
  • sustainable practices
  • community engagement
  • economic stability
  • cultural diversity
  • accessible healthcare
  • fair justice system
  • educational opportunities
  • environmental sustainability
  • active participation
  • inclusive society
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