IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medical research. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is thought by some people that
animals
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 are no longer in need of becoming a subject for food, clothing or medical
research
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. In my opinion, I slightly agree with
this
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 idea and reasons will be outlined before reaching my conclusion.
To begin
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 with, is it a fact that creatures are not necessarily to be our food, and one of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 significant reasons is plant-based food. To elaborate
further
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, a variety kinds of plants can benefit us more than meats from
animals
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 because of nutrition.
Moreover
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, farmers always cultivate their products by using a clean method, without using chemical substances in their farms.
For example
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, we can eat a plant-based steak which is made of clean soybean and contains protein more than a chicken breast.
Additionally
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, another crucial reason is
animals
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 do not need to be used in medical
research
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. What
this
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 means is looking and searching at old
research
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 is sufficient enough to gain essential information.
Furthermore
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, many medicines already test on humans and they work perfectly without causing any health problems.
For example
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, a group of researchers in China made a vaccine to protect against seasonal fever by gathering old data from the
last
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 20 years and they tested it with volunteers.
Consequently
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, the immunity of those volunteers rocketed up and protected them from catching a cold.
Overall
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, many citizens think that it is useless to use
animals
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 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
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subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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. From my point of view, I agree with
this
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 aspect because we have found another resource to consume and we already have a number of
research
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 that provide us with tons of knowledge.

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task achievement
Overall, your essay is well-organized and presents clear ideas. To further improve, try to develop your arguments a bit more. For instance, explain in more detail why plant-based foods have nutritional advantages or why old medical research is sufficient.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, use more linking words or transition phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one idea to another. This will make your arguments flow more naturally. Words like 'therefore', 'consequently', and 'however' can be useful.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments. This is essential for achieving a high score in coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the plant-based steak and the vaccine research in China, effectively supports your main points. This strengthens your task achievement score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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