IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizen’s health rather than on protecting the environment.Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #research #citizen’s #health #environment
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There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that the government should allocate more financial resources to medical
research
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of environmental protection. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I do not consider myself an advocate of
this
Linking Words
 idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, Both medical
research
Use synonyms
 and environmental conservation are equally important to human
health
Use synonyms
. Throughout history, people have had to deal with various effects of environmental degradation, some of which threatened the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of entire populations. We have been forced to battle illnesses that have the potential to destroy entire countries' medical systems. People's susceptibility to these risks cannot be measured. If they were to be addressed, significant government spending would be required.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, preserving the environment is a crucial part of protecting human
health
Use synonyms
. It is true that supporting medical
research
Use synonyms
 activities is the most effective strategy to cure the numerous terrible diseases that are now creating so many issues throughout the world,
such
Linking Words
 as Covid 19. In actuality, we are dealing with a number of major
health
Use synonyms
 issues caused by environmental contamination.
For example
Linking Words
, excessive levels of air and water pollution are causing a rise in cancer cases and death tolls. Extreme weather conditions generated by global warming are
also
Linking Words
 one of the main factors behind the deterioration of human
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 medical
research
Use synonyms
 is undoubtedly necessary and should be properly funded, I disagree that it should get more funding from the government than environmental preservation.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Specific Examples
Elaborate more on specific examples to support your argument. Providing concrete examples can strengthen your position and make your essay more persuasive.
Clear Ideas
Continue to develop clear and comprehensive ideas, but work on connecting them more directly to the essay prompt to enhance task response scores.
Sentence Variety
Your essay is well-organized, but try to vary your sentence structures and linking words to improve flow and coherence.
Balanced Argument
You've presented a balanced view concerning the importance of both medical research and environmental protection.
Good Structure
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Addressed Topic
You've successfully addressed the topic, providing a reasoned argument throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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