Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wished. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Children
's freedom about their choices has an integral part in children
behaviour. It is, Change noun form
children's
therefore
, not surprising to see how it has caused a controversy among people
about whether children
should make their own decisions about all matter
or not. Freedom leads to positive impacts like Fix the agreement mistake
matters
begin
Verb problem
apply
self-confidence
but unlimited freedom causes several problem
, because of that some Change to a plural noun
problems
people
firmly support their argument, others
adamantly object to it. I have solid reasons to agree with both two of which are being selfish and Correct word choice
and others
self-confidence
.
To begin
with, supporter
of Fix the agreement mistake
supporters
this
matter
claim that begin human brings to live in society for better conditions. This
is a very convincing argument because when teenager decided
Wrong verb form
decide
own
idea by only thinking about themself lead Correct pronoun usage
their own
to
begin
selfish. The most crucial part of Verb problem
become
this
debate is being selfish can firstly
damage relationship
with friends, family, or co-workers. It may be argued that Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
this
is very important for children
's behaviours
. Fix the agreement mistake
behaviour
For example
, if one student only thinks about their hungry
, he or she Replace the word
hunger
do
not share their Correct subject-verb agreement
does
foods
with other friends. Fix the agreement mistake
food
Thus
, empathy play
a significant role in Change the verb form
plays
this
issue. In short, the advocate
of Fix the agreement mistake
advocates
this
matter
point out that exploring they
self since they Correct your spelling
the
are
strongly claim Unnecessary verb
apply
this
is rational.
On the other hand
, opponents of this
matter
have a different point of view. They emphasize that children
who make decisions by self-lead to begin
self-confidence
. This
is a quite satisfactory argument depending on fact
that Add an article
the fact
self-confidence
Replace the word
self-confident
people
are more active and creative than shy's. It is worth stating that this
is a persuasive point as trying by themself and seeing the result of the situation can bloom children
’s behaviours and perspective of live
. In brief, personal choices Replace the word
life
give
Verb problem
allow
children
to express their self to the world by
personal experiences.
Change preposition
through
To conclude
, people
have a totally different perspective about
Change preposition
on
this
debt. Nevertheless
, when everything is taken into account, I am inclined to believe that there should be a delicate balance between these two arguments.Submitted by emiretatli7 on
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General
Enhance clarity by proofreading your essay for grammatical errors and sentence structure to improve readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to add fluency and interest to your writing.
Task Achievement
Include more detailed examples to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Task Achievement
You've effectively discussed both views and provided your own opinion, showing a good understanding of the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion, maintaining a logical flow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example