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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for years between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

#countries #people #work #travel #years #school #university #studies
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The majority of countries
eencourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 students to be employed or visit for a year after high school or before studying institute studies. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both viewpoints. On the one hand, some individual countries encourage students to be employed or institute. Because some of them can not engage in university.
Therefore
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, they can go to the overseas for the employees. It is more pros they can take the opportunity go to the other
country
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.
For example
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, in my
country
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, the government gives to the occasion great overseas.
Such
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 as Israel, Canada, the UK, etc. For the caregivers. They are given free knowledge of nursing. For more, someone who wants to study at a more high-quality university the government gives the occasion to migrate them.
In addition
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, they can take more pros in their life.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 decision brings some cons. Because the young generation engages overseas for occupation or institute education. They don't come back again their
country
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. Since they are taking their citizenship in that
country
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.
For instance
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, because of that the
country
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's educated citizens are decreasing.
As a result
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,
day
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 by
day
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 the
country
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's batting poorer. In conclusion, individual countries encourage young people to study or occupation. It means more young people engage in another
country
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. So they do not come back. They take citizenship in another
country
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, the
country
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day
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 by
day
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 becomes poorer.
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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Expression
Strive for clarity and precision in your expression. Avoid overly complex sentences if they compromise understanding.
Coherence
Provide clearer transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your essay.
Support
Develop your points more fully with specific examples to strengthen your argument.
Grammar
Review grammar and punctuation rules to improve the overall quality of your writing.
Organization
Consider organizing your essay with a more distinct separation between advantages and disadvantages for better structure.
Introduction
You've provided an introductory sentence that sets the context for your essay, which is a good start.
Use of Examples
You've attempted to provide examples to support your points, which is a positive approach.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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