Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Somepeople think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages tothis. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is generally claimed that nowadays more and more firms backer of some sport team or sporter.
While
some people believe that it can bring lots of advantages for both
teams
and
companies
, others do not agree with
this
idea
. I personally agree with the
idea
that
companies
should be assisting
sports
. There are a number of strong arguments to support the
idea
that some firms should sponsor
sports
because it can bring lots of benefits for both of them. When
companies
support
sports
teams
, not only can they improve their influence but
also
sports
teams
can be more successful.
For instance
,
teams
can get more professional players,
companies
can invest more money in team coaches.
As a result
,
companies
should invest money in
sports
teams
because it can bring lots of benefits for win-win.
On the other hand
, there are some important reasons to agree with the
idea
that some
companies
are not suitable for society.
Teams
should care about supporting themselves and they should carefully consider choosing the right company.
For example
, some
companies
are unethical to the environment, humans, animals and plants. A lot of
companies
produce air pollution and global warming.
In addition
, they are the extinct cause of animals and can be the reason for the ill.
Consequently
,
teams
cannot accept all offers for sponsors and they should be careful. In conclusion, firms essential aids to
sports
teams
, because they help to improve
sports
. When
sports
teams
develop, they can be grown up as new sporters and individual players.
This
is the most important way that may develop the future of
sports
.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Task Achievement
Work on developing your introduction more effectively to clearly state your opinion from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples and data to support your arguments. Real-world examples or case studies can make your arguments more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure by making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are linked more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reiterates your opinion, demonstrating good task achievement and coherence.

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