IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Somepeople think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages tothis. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sports #somepeople #tothis
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It is generally claimed that nowadays more and more firms backer of some sport team or sporter.
While
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 some people believe that it can bring lots of advantages for both
teams
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 and
companies
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, others do not agree with
this
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idea
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. I personally agree with the
idea
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 that
companies
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 should be assisting
sports
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. There are a number of strong arguments to support the
idea
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 that some firms should sponsor
sports
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 because it can bring lots of benefits for both of them. When
companies
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 support
sports
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teams
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, not only can they improve their influence but
also
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sports
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teams
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 can be more successful.
For instance
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,
teams
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 can get more professional players,
companies
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 can invest more money in team coaches.
As a result
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,
companies
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 should invest money in
sports
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teams
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 because it can bring lots of benefits for win-win.
On the other hand
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, there are some important reasons to agree with the
idea
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 that some
companies
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 are not suitable for society.
Teams
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 should care about supporting themselves and they should carefully consider choosing the right company.
For example
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, some
companies
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 are unethical to the environment, humans, animals and plants. A lot of
companies
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 produce air pollution and global warming.
In addition
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, they are the extinct cause of animals and can be the reason for the ill.
Consequently
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,
teams
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 cannot accept all offers for sponsors and they should be careful. In conclusion, firms essential aids to
sports
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teams
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, because they help to improve
sports
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. When
sports
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teams
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 develop, they can be grown up as new sporters and individual players.
This
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 is the most important way that may develop the future of
sports
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.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Task Achievement
Work on developing your introduction more effectively to clearly state your opinion from the beginning.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples and data to support your arguments. Real-world examples or case studies can make your arguments more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the logical structure by making sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are linked more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reiterates your opinion, demonstrating good task achievement and coherence.
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