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Band 6.5

Many people nowadays don’t feel safe either when they are at home or go out. What are the reasons? What can we do to solve this problem?

#people #don’t #home
The subject of insecurity has increasingly been broached among individuals since they sense unsafe both inside and outside their homes.
This
 essay will elaborate upon several reasons behind
this
 phenomenon, suggesting initiatives governments can take. Looking closely at
this
 matter, there are possible causes of individuals’ sense of insecurity. A prominent reason could be an increasing number of urban population when rural towns and villages witness their young residents moving away.
As a result
, citizens are put under great strain in fierce competition with non-local people. What’s more, apart from that, the high population density leads to a high ratio of criminals, including kidnapping, pick-pocking and drunk-driving. A salient example here is the rapid growth in the percentage of traffic accidents in Vietnamese cities. By pointing out these causes, the government should take some solutions into account. One possible measure would be scattering governmental investments to different zones, which are on the verge of balancing urban development. Rather than economic concentration on one region, driving the local workforce to resettle in other capitals, even foreign countries, can help citizens feel less pressure.
In addition
, partnering with local authorities, both national and international companies should facilitate young people to gain more job prospects, encouraging the unemployed to enter
labour
Add an article
the labour
show examples
 force. In conclusion, despite a couple of causes relevant to the exponential growth in urban population, people undoubtedly face their fear of being inside or outside their houses.
Nevertheless
,
this
 can be resolved by taking the above suggestions.
Submitted by aitam.dothi on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your scores further, consider expanding on your examples with more detail, illustrating how these directly impact individuals' feelings of safety. This will enrich the argument and provide a stronger basis for your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, making use of a wider range of linking phrases and cohesive devices can help improve the flow of your essay. This will not only aid in the logical progression of ideas but also enhance the overall readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, effectively setting up and summarizing your essay's key points.
Task Achievement
You've effectively addressed the task, providing a clear response to the question and substantiating your arguments with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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