Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
With the development of technology, most
people
are flooded with much information which result
in a situation Change the verb form
results
that
they do not have enough Correct word choice
where
time
to communicate with people
around them. Also
, nowadays people
would need more and more time
to be with themselves. Therefore
, the relationship which is closet
to their Correct your spelling
closest
families
got affected and they are not that
close with each other as usual. In the following paragraph, I Correct word choice
as
would
demonstrate the drawbacks of Wrong verb form
will
this
trend outweigh the advantages.
Firstly
, when people
do not have enough support from their closet
Correct your spelling
close
relationship
, they tend to be lonely and helpless. Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
This
would lead them to face many desparate
Correct your spelling
desperate
situation
and Change to a plural noun
situations
do
not know what to do. Unnecessary verb
apply
According to
Maslow's hierarchy of needs, there are physiological needs, safety needs, belongingness and love needs, esteem needs and self-actualization. After people
fulfill their physiological needs such
as food, water, warmth and
rest and safety needs, they tend to look for belongingness and love needs. And the relationship with their Correct word choice
apply
familiers
is a part of these needs. Correct your spelling
families
Familiers
could provide them Correct your spelling
Families
support
that friends and intimate relationships can not do. They are the Add an article
the support
people
that they grew up with and they had been living for many years before they move
out. In Wrong verb form
moved
this
case of
living without Change preposition
apply
families
' support, it
can lead to different kinds of mental illness.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Secondly
, when people
do not spend time
with their families
as usual. They kind of forget their roots which means they do not know their own identity. Families
can remind you and probably offer you reassurance about who you are.
In summary, I argue that the drawbacks of being close with
Change preposition
to
familiers
are more than the advantages. It is important to spend some Correct your spelling
families
time
with our families
and get to know who we are and different
roles of ourselves.Correct article usage
the different
Submitted by asllchkied on
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structure
Consider providing a clear introduction that presents the topic and your stance on it, followed by paragraphs that each focus on a unique point supporting your argument. This increases clarity and effectiveness of communication.
examples
Use specific examples to support your points. Rather than general statements, detail how technology impacts family closeness or offer concrete stories or studies to illustrate your points.
linking
Work on paragraph transitions to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Phrases that link concepts between paragraphs can help maintain coherence throughout your essay.
conclusion
Clarify your conclusion by summarizing your main points more distinctly and restating your stance. This ensures your argument is clear and impactful to the reader.
topic relevance
You've aptly identified and discussed the importance of family relations and their impact on individual well-being, which directly addresses the essay prompt.
idea exploration
Your essay reflects a good understanding of the topic, with a thoughtful exploration of the psychological needs as outlined by Maslow, illustrating depth in your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.