Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many
people
believe that
people
on over the world may use
products
from anywhere they want and
that is
a reason why
nations
tend to be similar.
While
this
trend may bring about some drawbacks, I would argue they are eclipsed by the benefits. On the one hand,
while
globalization
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
helped countries
easier
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to interact, it
also
begin
Wrong verb form
begun
show examples
to combine unique societies together. The success of the representative cultures all over the
wold
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
made the others follow them. When the cultures start losing their characteristics, they
also
lose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global diversity.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Vietnamese young
people
show a preference for enjoying musical
products
from the US or the UK.
Consequently
, the traditional musical
products
of Vietnam
such
as the Cải lương, Tuồng, Chèo and so on gradually become extinct.
On the other hand
, some
people
opine that
this
development plays a fundamental role in
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
people
’s living standards because residents are able to access the latest advances
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
science through
products
and services to cater for their needs.
For example
, when the
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
pandemic appeared on over the world, the developing
nations
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
not invented medicines or vaccines yet to cure residents.
Therefore
, it
led to be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
dangerous for residents in these
nations
,
importing
Correct word choice
and importing
show examples
medicines and vaccines from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
nations
has helped poor countries
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
protect
citizens
Correct pronoun usage
their citizens
show examples
and control the pandemic.
As a result
,
people
in
Change preposition
around
show examples
the world have cured the
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
pandemic. In conclusion, to the best of my
knowledge
Add a comma
knowledge,
show examples
the advantages of
this
development outweigh its drawbacks.
People
have a right to enjoy
products
anywhere they want.
Besides
, they
also
should conserve their traditional
products
.
Submitted by weezel on

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Task Achievement
Work on integrating more specific examples to strengthen your arguments in both the positive and negative aspects discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider diversifying your linking phrases and structure to enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view on the issue, effectively discussing both sides of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good job on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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