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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

in many countries, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an aging population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

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in many countries, individuals are experiencing longer lifespans than they used to. some
people
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 believe older generations can bring benefits to society,
while
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 other’s perspective is that they create significant challenges for governments. in my opinion, these challenges outweigh any advantages. One of the prominent benefits older
people
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 bring to society is wisdom and experience. Through decades of life experience, they have gained deep knowledge that can offer valuable insights to the younger generation.
For instance
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, they can act as mentors, sharing customs, cultural traditions, and stories from past generations, helping to preserve a country's cultural heritage.
Additionally
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, Older family members who are in good health often provide practical support within the family,
such
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 as childcare or household work, which can be useful for other members.
On the other hand
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, an
aging
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ageing
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 population places significant strain on the healthcare system. As
people
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 get older, they generally require more medical attention and services
due to
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 the increasing prevalence of some diseases like diabetes and heart attack.
This
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 leads to a higher demand for medical resources and healthcare professionals.
moreover
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, an
aging
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ageing
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 population imposes a financial burden on governments. An
aging
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ageing
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 population means more
people
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 are living longer, leading to an increase in the number of retirees who draw pensions.
As a result
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, the more
people
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 are retired, the more funds the government needs to pay. In conclusion, I believe that
while
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 the older generation can help preserve cultural heritage and support other family members, their impact on the healthcare system and the financial burden on society is largely negative.

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Introduction
Begin with a clear introduction that outlines your stance on the topic directly. Make sure it's straightforward and sets the premise for your discussion.
Body Paragraphs
In your body paragraphs, aim to develop your points more fully. While your essay does touch on important aspects of the aging population, providing more detailed examples and expanding on ideas could enhance clarity and argumentation.
Balance and Development
Try to ensure a balance in the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. While you've clearly indicated your opinion, exploring the advantages a bit more before concluding could offer a more rounded view.
Conclusion
Make sure to explicitly link your conclusion to the arguments presented. Reaffirm your stance and summarise the key points briefly to strengthen the closure of your essay.
Language and Examples
Good use of topic-specific vocabulary and appropriate examples to support your arguments.
Structure and Cohesion
You've structured your essay logically, with clear distinctions between paragraphs and coherent progression of ideas.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and align with the topic discussed, providing a solid framework for your essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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