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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Nowadays, perseverance plays an essential role in our lives. In many cultures, parents often tell their
children
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 they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages of
this
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 message and the potential drawbacks it may have. On the positive side,
children
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 feeling like failures and
stopping
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stop
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 in the middle
,
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apply
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 don't let anything cease their effort to achieve their goals.
For example
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, many people in my city stay depressed because they confront small problems in their careers;
as a result
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, they kill their performance at a young age,
such
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 as 27 or 28. The main reason for these consequences is that authorities don't teach
this
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 category of people when they are kids that they can reach anything by working hard and not letting anything in their way stop them from moving on. On the negative side, kids can try dangerous things and think they can do them without any logic or imagining the result.
As a result
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, they don't enjoy their childhood because they try to solve problems or do things above their age.
For instance
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, many individuals wish to go back to their childhood only to play with friends and enjoy their time because
this
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 period is very vital to a person. In conclusion, telling
children
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 they can accomplish anything if they work hard is a message with both merits and drawbacks. On the one hand, it fosters determination and prevents adults from stagnating in their careers
due to
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 a lack of confidence.
On the other hand
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, it can lead to unrealistic expectations and cause
children
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 to lose the joy of their youth by focusing too much on adult-level achievements. In my opinion,
this
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 message is beneficial only if it is balanced with the freedom for
children
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 to simply enjoy their childhood and play with their friends.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your good side is clearer than your bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each body part.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to believe.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like first, also, however, and as a result.
task response
Explain why each point matters. Do not only say the result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point, and do not add too many ideas in one sentence.
task response
You wrote about both advantages and disadvantages, so you answered the full question.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph plan that is easy to follow.
task response
Your ending gives your own view, which is a good strong finish.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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