Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #technology #companies #data #exchange #access #software #outweigh

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These days, a lot of

people

Use synonyms

are more willing to share their personal

data

Use synonyms

with IT companies for using their technologies. I personally think, that even though sharing personal

data

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will increase the risk of

data

Use synonyms

leakage, the convenience of using online services provided by the companies specialised in technology

outweigh

Correct subject-verb agreement

outweighs

show examples

the disadvantages and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

life easier. On one hand,

Change preposition

apply

show examples

giving up

information

Use synonyms

in return for using online

software

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will pose a risk of privacy and

data

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being leaked on the internet. The

data

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leakage will make one vulnerable to crimes

such

Linking Words

as cybercrime, voice phishing, and many more.

For instance

Linking Words

, the incidence of credit card

information

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being hacked has reportedly

increases

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

since the internet

had

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

been widely used.

This

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has been one important disadvantage of sharing personal

information

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online and

people

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should be more cautious about which platform they are sharing

this

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with.

On the other hand

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, the advantage of using

software

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that

are

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show examples

available online has made life easier for a lot of

people

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. Many students and working adults rely on online

software

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to complete their assignments and do daily tasks at work. The best example is the usage of Canva online for creative works that allow students to make better

resume

Fix the agreement mistake

resumes

show examples

and

people

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in the working communities to be able to make interesting presentations.

This

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also

Linking Words

has been

life changing

Add a hyphen

life-changing

show examples

for

current

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the current

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generation that

rely

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relies

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

on creative works and content

such

Linking Words

as social media influencers. In conclusion, even though

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sharing

information

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with IT companies

impose

Correct subject-verb agreement

imposes

show examples

the risk of cybercrimes, a lot of

people

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benefit from using online

software

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which has

help

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helped

show examples

students with their homework and workers with their

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

Submitted by shaz.777 on Mon May 06 2024

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Development

For an even stronger essay, consider balancing the number of examples and depth of explanation for both sides of the argument. This could provide a more nuanced view and strengthen your argument.

Examples

Including personal examples or more detailed hypothetical scenarios could help to illustrate your points more vividly, making your essay more engaging and relatable.

Tone

Be mindful of keeping a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using informal language as it may undermine the academic quality of your writing.

Structure

Your essay offers a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.

Coherence

The coherence and cohesion of your essay is commendable. You have logically ordered paragraphs and used a range of cohesive devices effectively.

Argumentation

You provided clear arguments and elaborated on your points with explanations, which strengthens your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

You have a complaint about the hotel you stayed at while attending a meeting that was booked by the organizer of a company meeting. Write a letter to the organizer of the meeting and include: -Details about the meeting -The problem you face -What should be done

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.

In today's world many people own a smartphone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweight the disadvantages

Now-a-days many people choose to be self-employed, rather than work for a company. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?

The tendency of news reporters in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extend do you agree or disagree?