Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, a lot of
people
are more willing to share their personal data
with IT companies for using their technologies. I personally think, that even though sharing personal data
will increase the risk of data
leakage, the convenience of using online services provided by the companies specialised in technology outweigh
the disadvantages and Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
make
life easier.
On one hand, Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
by
giving up Change preposition
apply
information
in return for using online software
will pose a risk of privacy and data
being leaked on the internet. The data
leakage will make one vulnerable to crimes such
as cybercrime, voice phishing, and many more. For instance
, the incidence of credit card information
being hacked has reportedly increases
since the internet Wrong verb form
increased
had
been widely used. Wrong verb form
has
This
has been one important disadvantage of sharing personal information
online and people
should be more cautious about which platform they are sharing this
with.
On the other hand
, the advantage of using software
that are
available online has made life easier for a lot of Change the verb form
is
people
. Many students and working adults rely on online software
to complete their assignments and do daily tasks at work. The best example is the usage of Canva online for creative works that allow students to make better resume
and Fix the agreement mistake
resumes
people
in the working communities to be able to make interesting presentations. This
also
has been life changing
for Add a hyphen
life-changing
current
generation that Add an article
the current
rely
Change the verb form
relies
a
on creative works and content Correct article usage
apply
such
as social media influencers.
In conclusion, even though by
sharing Change preposition
apply
information
with IT companies impose
the risk of cybercrimes, a lot of Correct subject-verb agreement
imposes
people
benefit from using online software
which has help
students with their homework and workers with their Change the form of the verb
helped
job
.Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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Development
For an even stronger essay, consider balancing the number of examples and depth of explanation for both sides of the argument. This could provide a more nuanced view and strengthen your argument.
Examples
Including personal examples or more detailed hypothetical scenarios could help to illustrate your points more vividly, making your essay more engaging and relatable.
Tone
Be mindful of keeping a formal tone throughout your essay. Avoid using informal language as it may undermine the academic quality of your writing.
Structure
Your essay offers a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Coherence
The coherence and cohesion of your essay is commendable. You have logically ordered paragraphs and used a range of cohesive devices effectively.
Argumentation
You provided clear arguments and elaborated on your points with explanations, which strengthens your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite