Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society

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Studying in a

university

is believed to be more

advantegeous

Correct your spelling

advantageous

students

than

community

Correct article usage

the community

show examples

therefore

, self-paying for their learning is necessary.

This

writer contends that it is invalid

due to

the improvement which these intellectual pupils may create in the near future. It is crucial to understand that

university

students

could individually gain various benefits on their pathways. By acquiring academic knowledge in their own major,

thay

Correct your spelling

they

would be able to pursue their ambition or success.

As a result

this

may provide viable job opportunities, and

also

yield their ability to employers, showing that they would deserve to attain a high salary. Evidently,

university

Correct article usage

a university

show examples

education is beneficial to individuals' lives, which might allow people to follow their dreams without bearing a financial burden in mind.

However

students

would

conversely

able

Add a missing verb

be able

show examples

to enhance

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society

Change preposition

show examples

a certain extent. Concerning a successful learner who becomes

professional

Fix the agreement mistake

professionals

show examples

in their own field, they would contribute to

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

an important part of the community, by lending a hand in solving social problems. Take doctors as an example. These people would help to improve

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society’s health as a whole, predicting and preventing patients from suffering from fatal diseases.

Moreover

, if the fee is not covered by the government,

students

would end up working part-time

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

to pay for their college

fee

Fix the agreement mistake

fees

show examples

, rather than partaking in extracurricular activities to give back to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. Taking all into account, providing subsidies for

university

studies

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not only

encourage

Correct subject-verb agreement

encourages

show examples

successful

students

to help solve societal issues but

also

increase

Correct subject-verb agreement

increases

show examples

participation in public work.

Therefore

, local authorities should give some assistance to

students

in order to partly share their tuition.

Mon May 06 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Explore a wider variety of linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

Task Achievement

Further develop your examples with more specificity to strengthen your argument. While your examples are relevant, adding specificity and depth could enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Language Use

Ensure consistent spelling and grammar to maintain the high quality of your writing. Minor inaccuracies were noted but continue to polish for excellence.

Introduction

Your introduction effectively sets the tone for the debate and clearly states your thesis, contributing to a strong task response.

Logical Structure

The structure of your essay, comprising introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is well-organized and aids in effectively communicating your ideas.

Supported Main Points

You have shown capability in relating individual benefits to societal advantages, providing a balanced view in your argument that enhances the depth of your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

beneficiary
accountability
economic mobility
social inequalities
subsidized education
vocational training
deliberate choice
earning potential
public funding
societal benefits
innovation
self-financing
social mobility
economic equality
grants
scholarships

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Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think an international car-free day is an effective way to reduce air pollution. Others think there are more effective ways to do this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.