Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Studying in a
university
is believed to be more advantegeous
to Correct your spelling
advantageous
students
than community
, Correct article usage
the community
therefore
, self-paying for their learning is necessary. This
writer contends that it is invalid due to
the improvement which these intellectual pupils may create in the near future.
It is crucial to understand that university
students
could individually gain various benefits on their pathways. By acquiring academic knowledge in their own major, thay
would be able to pursue their ambition or success. Correct your spelling
they
As a result
, this
may provide viable job opportunities, and also
yield their ability to employers, showing that they would deserve to attain a high salary. Evidently, university
education is beneficial to individuals' lives, which might allow people to follow their dreams without bearing a financial burden in mind.
Correct article usage
a university
However
, students
would conversely
able
to enhance Add a missing verb
be able
the
society Correct article usage
apply
at
a certain extent. Concerning a successful learner who becomes Change preposition
to
professional
in their own field, they would contribute to Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
be
an important part of the community, by lending a hand in solving social problems. Take doctors as an example. These people would help to improve Wrong verb form
being
the
society’s health as a whole, predicting and preventing patients from suffering from fatal diseases. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, if the fee is not covered by the government, students
would end up working part-time job
to pay for their college Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
fee
, rather than partaking in extracurricular activities to give back to Fix the agreement mistake
fees
the
society.
Taking all into account, providing subsidies for Correct article usage
apply
university
studies is
not only Unnecessary verb
apply
encourage
successful Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
students
to help solve societal issues but also
increase
participation in public work. Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
Therefore
, local authorities should give some assistance to students
in order to partly share their tuition.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Explore a wider variety of linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Further develop your examples with more specificity to strengthen your argument. While your examples are relevant, adding specificity and depth could enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
Language Use
Ensure consistent spelling and grammar to maintain the high quality of your writing. Minor inaccuracies were noted but continue to polish for excellence.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the tone for the debate and clearly states your thesis, contributing to a strong task response.
Logical Structure
The structure of your essay, comprising introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is well-organized and aids in effectively communicating your ideas.
Supported Main Points
You have shown capability in relating individual benefits to societal advantages, providing a balanced view in your argument that enhances the depth of your discussion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example