In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend lage sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion
Individuals in some countries believe that spending
money
on bullet Use synonyms
trains
is necessary Use synonyms
while
others think it is more important to fund existing public Linking Words
transport
. Use synonyms
While
fast Linking Words
trains
could shorten the duration of mobility, I believe it is more important to spend more Use synonyms
money
on improving existing public Use synonyms
transport
, as it is more effective, both socially and economically.
On the one hand, many Use synonyms
people
think fast Use synonyms
trains
are important because they can shorten travel duration for the passengers. Use synonyms
As a result
, fast Linking Words
trains
are considered the appropriate way to increase Use synonyms
people
's productivity and promote economic growth Use synonyms
due to
their ability to move Linking Words
people
in a short period of time. Use synonyms
For example
, the newly constructed Jakarta-Bandung fast train is seen as the solution to improve mobility problems between two big, productive cities, Linking Words
thus
improving the passengers' and regions' productivity. Linking Words
However
, I believe the cost of establishing fast Linking Words
trains
is too much compared to the benefits.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, others think that funding existing public Linking Words
transport
is more important, as it is deemed more cost-effective. As the government only have to focus on the existing public Use synonyms
transport
, they can spend less Use synonyms
money
and allocate it somewhere more important. Use synonyms
Moreover
, they Linking Words
also
do not have to think about shifting passengers' behaviour, as public Linking Words
transport
is already used on a daily basis by many Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
For instance
, many Linking Words
people
consider the Use synonyms
money
spent on the new Jakarta-Bandung fast train is not prudent and demand the Indonesian government to spend more Use synonyms
money
on existing public Use synonyms
transport
, Use synonyms
such
as the commuter line.
Linking Words
To conclude
, even though many Linking Words
people
believe that funding fast Use synonyms
trains
is important because of the time effectiveness of Use synonyms
people
's mobility, Use synonyms
due to
the lesser financial and social strains the government have to face, I think the Linking Words
money
should be spent to fund the existing public Use synonyms
transport
Use synonyms
due to
the economical and social effectiveness.Linking Words
Submitted by aribawadzaki on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and presents both sides of the argument effectively, consider improving the coherence between arguments by explicitly linking ideas together. Use more transitional phrases or linking words to help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your supporting examples are thoroughly developed. You provided a relevant example about the Jakarta-Bandung fast train, which is strong, but make sure each example clearly connects back to the main argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument clearly with an opinion provided at the end.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay and ideas.