In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend lage sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion

Individuals in some countries believe that spending
money
on bullet
trains
is necessary
while
others think it is more important to fund existing public
transport
.
While
fast
trains
could shorten the duration of mobility, I believe it is more important to spend more
money
on improving existing public
transport
, as it is more effective, both socially and economically. On the one hand, many
people
think fast
trains
are important because they can shorten travel duration for the passengers.
As a result
, fast
trains
are considered the appropriate way to increase
people
's productivity and promote economic growth
due to
their ability to move
people
in a short period of time.
For example
, the newly constructed Jakarta-Bandung fast train is seen as the solution to improve mobility problems between two big, productive cities,
thus
improving the passengers' and regions' productivity.
However
, I believe the cost of establishing fast
trains
is too much compared to the benefits.
On the other hand
, others think that funding existing public
transport
is more important, as it is deemed more cost-effective. As the government only have to focus on the existing public
transport
, they can spend less
money
and allocate it somewhere more important.
Moreover
, they
also
do not have to think about shifting passengers' behaviour, as public
transport
is already used on a daily basis by many
people
.
For instance
, many
people
consider the
money
spent on the new Jakarta-Bandung fast train is not prudent and demand the Indonesian government to spend more
money
on existing public
transport
,
such
as the commuter line.
To conclude
, even though many
people
believe that funding fast
trains
is important because of the time effectiveness of
people
's mobility,
due to
the lesser financial and social strains the government have to face, I think the
money
should be spent to fund the existing public
transport
due to
the economical and social effectiveness.
Submitted by aribawadzaki on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, and presents both sides of the argument effectively, consider improving the coherence between arguments by explicitly linking ideas together. Use more transitional phrases or linking words to help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that your supporting examples are thoroughly developed. You provided a relevant example about the Jakarta-Bandung fast train, which is strong, but make sure each example clearly connects back to the main argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument clearly with an opinion provided at the end.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay and ideas.

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