Students should pay the full cost for their own study because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's era, many people believe that
students
should pay the full cost for their studies because
further
education
can benefit the
students
more individually than the society.
This
writer strongly agrees with
this
statement because it can offer
students
qualifications and better opportunities in their career path.
To begin
with,
further
education
helps scholars improve their knowledge
as well as
working
experience
. Universities provide specialist courses and reference materials for
students
to study and discover. What is more, colleges encourage scholars to operate real-life experiments in order to offer practical examples for their
final year
Add a hyphen
final-year
show examples
presentations.
Therefore
,
this
can be a priceless opportunity for
students
to earn
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
experience
. For these reasons, the benefits of university
education
are unprejudiced compared to those that society will or can teach
students
. Another point that needs to be considered is that qualifications will help
students
have a greater chance of getting a job.
Although
working
experience
is vital
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
without a degree, it is meaningless.
Moreover
,
students
are usually working and studying during their academic years as part of their courses and because they need money to pay for their school fees.
To sum up
, society can offer job
experience
which is essential for
students
,
however
, universities and colleges are doing it in a way that can benefit
students
' current conditions and their career path. In conclusion,
this
writer believes that the advantages of
further
education
can definitely outweigh those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
have
education
from the public.
This
essay has enough pieces of evidence to prove the writer's point of view.
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Task Achievement
Make sure to clarify how university education can benefit society as well to provide a more balanced argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance flow and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Consider adding counterarguments and refutations to strengthen the essay's argumentative depth.
Task Achievement
Provided solid examples to support the main argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Maintained a clear structure throughout the essay, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Successfully focused on the topic throughout the essay, providing relevant details and examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficiary
  • accountability
  • economic mobility
  • social inequalities
  • subsidized education
  • vocational training
  • deliberate choice
  • earning potential
  • public funding
  • societal benefits
  • innovation
  • self-financing
  • social mobility
  • economic equality
  • grants
  • scholarships
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