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Band 5.5

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #city #countryside #choice
Some people argue that
children
 are better raised in urban environments,
while
 others advocate for the countryside as a more suitable option. In my view, nurturing
children
 in rural areas offers numerous benefits. On the one hand, residing in a metropolitan area exposes
children
 to a myriad of experiences readily. They have easy access to higher education and cultural activities,
such
 as museums and musicals, typically concentrated in urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
Moreover
, academic opportunities like private tutoring and specialized lectures are more prevalent in cities.
This
 accessibility often broadens
children
's horizons.
However
, living in a rural setting allows
children
 to feel freer and more relaxed compared to their urban counterparts. The serene environment fosters emotional growth and affords them ample time for self-reflection. Nature provides invaluable experiences
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 harmonizing with the environment,
while
 reduced competition alleviates stress.
Additionally
,
children
 can allocate more time to personal interests rather than solely focusing on academics.
For instance
, having lived in both a bustling city and a tranquil town, I found myself constantly pressured to excel academically and compete with peers in the urban setting.
Conversely
, relocating to a rural area afforded me the comfort and space to explore my passions and talents. In conclusion,
while
 urban living undoubtedly offers
children
 more opportunities, nurturing them in the countryside provides freedom and a conducive environment for holistic development.
Submitted by a46615883 on

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Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion. In future essays, consider adding a brief explanation of why these views might exist to engage your reader even more.
Argumentation
You've presented a balanced view on the topic before stating your own opinion, which is excellent. To further enhance your essay, try to directly address the prompt in the introductory paragraph by including your thesis statement.
Conclusion
Your conclusion does a good job of summarizing the discussion and restating your position. To elevate your writing, consider a more nuanced summary that reflects the complexity of the argument.
Cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of transitional phrases to more clearly signpost contrasts and comparisons between city and countryside living.
Structure
The essay presents a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a succinct conclusion.
Supporting Examples
You have provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay. Including personal experiences as in this case, adds a unique perspective.
Flow
Your essay maintains a good flow, thanks to the logical progression of ideas and effective paragraphing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • rural area
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • advanced medical facilities
  • peaceful
  • less pollution
  • access to nature
  • community feel
  • foster a sense of belonging
  • natural surroundings
  • outdoor activities
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural richness
  • wholesome upbringing
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