IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Children learn best by observing behavior of adults and copying it. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#children #behavior #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is thought by some people that children's behaviour comes from observing and copying
adults
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is not
adults
Use synonyms
 who affect youths' behaviour, In the following paragraphs,
this
Linking Words
 issue will be outlined before reaching my conclusion. On the one hand, it is true that both the behaviour and
actions
Use synonyms
 of the new generations come from
adults
Use synonyms
 as they have always been told to follow their steps if the kids want to become successful.
However
Linking Words
, some families have violent
actions
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
, a father always blows a mother in front of their offspring just because of a little argument.
Consequently
Linking Words
, their offspring might learn from that situation and understand and imitate
this
Linking Words
 action in case it is the choice for them to take action when others do not listen to them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, youngsters are not influenced by the older generations, having said that by their friends. Adolescents spend most of their time in school and around these ages, they need acceptance from their friends.
Thus
Linking Words
, when they see other children are acceptable by doing something in notorious ways
such
Linking Words
 as drinking alcohol, drugs, smoking, fighting, etc. They will copy those
actions
Use synonyms
 in order to acquire acceptance and praise from their friends as well.
Overall
Linking Words
, in my opinion, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 matter
as a result
Linking Words
 new generations spend most of their time studying in schools and want to be accepted.
Hence
Linking Words
, it means their classmates will have more effects on their behaviours and
actions
Use synonyms
 than
adults
Use synonyms
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure a clear thesis statement is presented in the introduction to directly address the prompt.
Supporting Examples
Expand on examples to fully illustrate your arguments. Specific, detailed examples strengthen the impact of your points.
Argument Balance
Strive for a balanced discussion in 'agree or disagree' essays by clearly addressing the extent of your agreement or disagreement throughout.
Grammar & Expression
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and work on sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision in your expression.
Structure
The essay presents a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Linking Words
You effectively use linking words to connect ideas, improving the readability of your essay.
Balanced Argument
The essay demonstrates a good ability to present and counter different viewpoints, showing a range of thought.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: