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Band 5.5

Art should be a compulsory class for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#art #class #school #students
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As the importance of
art
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class
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 has been acknowledged by educators and experts in modern society, lots of people argue that artistic
class
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 should
Add a missing verb
be mendatory
show examples
mendatory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
 for high
school
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students
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. I support
this
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 idea because
articstic
Correct your spelling
artistic
 activities can give
students
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 several advantages that academic subjects do not.
Firstly
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,
art
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 classes should be
necessarly
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necessarily
 included in
high
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the high
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school
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 curriculum because they help
students
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 to express their emotions indirectly. As
students
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 grow, and they get
in
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into
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 their
puverty
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poverty
puberty
, they generally feel
embarasse
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embarrassed
embarrass
 about expressing their feelings directly even with their friends. So, there would be no opportunity to vent
to
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apply
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about their worries. In
this
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 situation,
art
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alsses
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classes
lasses
 can make
students
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 share their moods by making artistic works. For
exemple
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example
,
students
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 can draw or paint something based on how they feel currently.
Therefore
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,
artistic
Add an article
the artistic
an artistic
show examples
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class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 should be required to let
students
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to
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apply
show examples
express fully their feelings.
Moreover
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, artistic classes need to be compulsory because
students
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 should have a chance to find their non-academic
talents
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 in those
clasees
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classes
. In high
school
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,
students
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are spending
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spend
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majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of their time
on
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apply
show examples
learning academic subjects
such
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 as
mathmatics
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mathematics
 and science.
Thus
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,
students
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 who are
no
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not
show examples
 interested in those subjects can get
a
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apply
show examples
time to find other
talents
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 through
art
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 classes. For
exemple
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example
,
students
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 can realize that they have a fondness for drawing so, they can consistently develop
handcraft
Wrong verb form
handcrafting
show examples
 skills in
art
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class
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.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 schools have to give various opportunities for high
school
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students
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 to find their own
talents
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.
To sum up
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, it is undeniable that
art
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surly
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surely
show examples
need
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needs
show examples
 to be a
mandotory
Correct your spelling
mandatory
class
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 in high
school
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 because it allows
students
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 to express their emotions indirectly and find their artistic
talents
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic effectively, with a clear stance supporting the idea that art should be a compulsory class for high school students. To further enhance your task achievement, ensure your arguments are fully developed and include a wider range of examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of linking phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. Also, pay attention to paragraph structure to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
You effectively communicate your support for the idea that art classes offer unique benefits to high school students, which helps in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively bookend your essay, contributing to its overall coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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