Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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In
modern
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the modern

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world, famous
people
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get
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make

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more profit than
individuals
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who
work
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for
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government
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the government

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. Because
of
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apply

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celebrities’
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celebrities

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being
Wrong verb form
are

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unique,
people
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give more value to celebrities, which is a negative development in my personal view. It is commonly known that celebrities gain more
money
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than
politicians
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by spending less effort. The main reason is
as
Correct word choice
that

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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few
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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famous
people
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exist in
community
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the community
a community

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,
by
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contrast
Add the comma(s)
contrast,

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the number of
individuals
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who
work
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in public or
government
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fields is sufficient .
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
people
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who are musically gifted or have another skill which they have been famous for . So their skill is rare in terms of number, and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

occasion causes their cutting above
politicians
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.
While
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

others think celebrities’ earning more
money
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is a desirable situation, I totally disagree with that view because
politicians
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work
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for promoting
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to promote

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and
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute

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a lot
their
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to their

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country state and
development
Correct article usage
the development

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of
state
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the state

The noun phrase state seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. Giving
politicians
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more profit can inspire
individuals
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to
work
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in
government
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sectors and develop the country, so
politicians
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’ getting more
money
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directly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects

It seems that the verb affect does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the improvement of the country.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

famous
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

gaining more
money
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

than
individuals
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

that
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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working
Wrong verb form
work

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb working. Consider changing it.

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for
state
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the state

The noun phrase state seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is observable , it should not be allowed by
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
government
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the government

The noun phrase government seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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.

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Structure
Ensure your introduction outlines your key arguments and your conclusion summarizes them effectively, reinforcing your stance.
Sentence Structure
Embrace variety in sentence structures to add sophistication and clarity to your arguments.
Argument Support
Use more specific examples to support your arguments, providing a clearer and more compelling basis for your points.
Grammar
Work on accurately using articles and prepositions, as these small errors can detract from your overall clarity and coherence.
Position
Adopts a clear stance on the topic throughout the essay, contributing to a strong argumentative structure.
Paragraphing
Good use of paragraphing to separate different ideas, enhancing the overall readability of the essay.
Balanced Argument
Touches on both sides of the argument before clearly stating a personal view, showing an understanding of the need to explore all aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsements
  • revenue streams
  • global presence
  • diversified branding
  • income sources
  • free-market principles
  • market value
  • government budgets
  • public funds
  • public perception
  • value generation
  • bureaucratic
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
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