IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

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In
modern
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the modern
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 world, famous
people
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get
Verb problem
make
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 more profit than
individuals
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 who
work
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 for
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government
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the government
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. Because
of
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apply
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celebrities’
Change noun form
celebrities
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being
Wrong verb form
are
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 unique,
people
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 give more value to celebrities, which is a negative development in my personal view. It is commonly known that celebrities gain more
money
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 than
politicians
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 by spending less effort. The main reason is
as
Correct word choice
that
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 few
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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famous
people
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 exist in
community
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the community
a community
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,
by
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contrast
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contrast,
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 the number of
individuals
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 who
work
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 in public or
government
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 fields is sufficient .
However
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, the
people
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 who are musically gifted or have another skill which they have been famous for . So their skill is rare in terms of number, and
this
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 occasion causes their cutting above
politicians
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.
While
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 others think celebrities’ earning more
money
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 is a desirable situation, I totally disagree with that view because
politicians
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work
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for promoting
Change preposition
to promote
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 and
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 a lot
their
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to their
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 country state and
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
state
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the state
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. Giving
politicians
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 more profit can inspire
individuals
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 to
work
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 in
government
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 sectors and develop the country, so
politicians
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’ getting more
money
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 directly
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 the improvement of the country.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 famous
people
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 gaining more
money
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 than
individuals
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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working
Wrong verb form
work
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 for
state
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the state
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 is observable , it should not be allowed by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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.

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Structure
Ensure your introduction outlines your key arguments and your conclusion summarizes them effectively, reinforcing your stance.
Sentence Structure
Embrace variety in sentence structures to add sophistication and clarity to your arguments.
Argument Support
Use more specific examples to support your arguments, providing a clearer and more compelling basis for your points.
Grammar
Work on accurately using articles and prepositions, as these small errors can detract from your overall clarity and coherence.
Position
Adopts a clear stance on the topic throughout the essay, contributing to a strong argumentative structure.
Paragraphing
Good use of paragraphing to separate different ideas, enhancing the overall readability of the essay.
Balanced Argument
Touches on both sides of the argument before clearly stating a personal view, showing an understanding of the need to explore all aspects of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsements
  • revenue streams
  • global presence
  • diversified branding
  • income sources
  • free-market principles
  • market value
  • government budgets
  • public funds
  • public perception
  • value generation
  • bureaucratic
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
What to do next:
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