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Writing Samples
Band 7

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages of relying too much on technology?

#technology #work #places
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Nowadays, it is common
that
Correct word choice
for
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 modern technologies
are
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to be
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 relied on by most
companies
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 , especially in the digital field. In my opinion,
companies
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 can do their work faster and more accurately by using smart tools, but when
people
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 depend too much on them, it can cause severe consequences,
such
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 as unemployment and health issues First of all, in terms of time management, smart tools can help workers with their work.
In other words
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,employees are able to carry out more tasks in a limited time by using
technology
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.
For example
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, stock analysers use
technology
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 to accelerate the process.
Thus
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, they are able to analyze a huge number of data within a limited time.
Secondly
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,it increases the percentage of the accuracy.
That is
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 to say, there are some jobs that require a high level of accuracy. In
this
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 case,
technology
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 is needed to perform the tasks perfectly.
For instance
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, accountants use
technology
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 to deal with numbers owing to the importance of accuracy in the banking industry.
Finally
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, one problem of heavy reliance on
technology
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 is that it leads to unemployment. To explain, there are many
people
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 around the world who are affected negatively by advanced
technology
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. To illustrate, in Japan, in car manufacturers particularly, workers have lost their jobs and have been replaced by robots. Another issue is that when
people
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 rely too much on
technology
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, they will suffer from some health issues. Simply put. when
people
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 sit in front of the computer for hours, they will have issues with their eyes and spine.
To sum up
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,
although
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technology
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 helps
companies
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 in many aspects, heavy reliance on it can bring about many problems.
Therefore
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, it is essential for all
companies
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 to have a balance in the usage of modern
technology
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.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
Try to include a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your paragraphs more cohesive.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, incorporating more specific and varied examples can enhance your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a balanced view on the use of technology in workplaces. This shows a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization aids in presenting your ideas logically.
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