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Band 6.5

Some people think that sports is very important for society. Others, however, argue that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #sports #society #leisure #activity
FEW INDIVIDUALS BELIEVE THAT
SPORTS
 PLAY A CRUCIAL ROLE IN THE SOCIETY.
HOWEVER
, SOME INDIVIDUALS CLAIM THAT
SPORTS
 IS NOTHING BUT A TIME PASS. IN
THIS
 ESSAY I WILL DISCUSS BOTH THE POINTS AND STATE MY OPINION IN MY FORMAL VIEW. I BELIEVE THAT PLAYING
SPORTS
 SERVES A VERY IMPORTANT ASPECT IN THE COMMUNITY. THERE IS NO DOUBT THAT IN
THIS
 ERA, MANY YOUNGSTERS ARE PLAYING FOR THE INTERNATIONAL CLUB.
THIS
 MAINLY KEEPS THE YOUNGSTERS ACTIVE.
WHEREAS
, APPRECIATING THE YOUTH TO PLAY
SPORTS
 DOES NOT JUST
MAKES
Correct subject-verb agreement
MAKE
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 THEM MORE CONFIDENT BUT
ALSO
 FOCUSES ON BRINGING THE NATION'S NAME TO THE TOP.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IN
INDIA
, PEOPLE TREAT CRICKETERS AS
GOD
Fix the agreement mistake
GODS
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, AS THEY BELIEVE CRICKET IS LIKE A RELIGION,
FOR INSTANCE
, IN 2014
INDIA
 WON THE CRICKET WORLDCUP WHICH MADE
INDIA
 A PROUD NATION, AND
INDIA
 WELCOMED THE PLAYERS WITH GREAT HONOUR INTO THE COUNTRY.
ON THE OTHER HAND
, MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT
SPORTS
 IS ONLY PLAYED AS AN ENTERTAINMENT IN FREE TIME.
HOWEVER
,
THIS
 ACTIVITY KEEPS YOU BUSY IN YOUR DAY-TO-DAY LIFE AND
ADDITIONALLY
 KEEPS THE INDIVIDUAL ACTIVE, BY WHICH THE YOUNGSTER INCREASES THEIR LIFESPAN AND HAVE A HEALTHY PHYSIQUE. STUDIES HAVE REVEALED THAT
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 YOUNGSTERS WHO PLAY
SPORTS
 ON A REGULAR BASIS ARE STATISCALLY PROVEN TO LIVE MORE THAN THOSE WHO PLAY DO NOT PLAY
SPORTS
. IN CONCLUSION,
SPORTS
 ARE NOT ONLY PLAYED FOR THE SAKE OF PASSING THE TIME, BUT,
SPORTS
 MUST BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND MUST BE PLAYED TO MAKE THEIR COUNTRY PROUD.
HOWEVER
,
THIS
 GIVES THE YOUTH LEADERSHIP SKILLS TO SERVE AS A BETTER CITIZEN FOR THEIR COUNTRY.
Submitted by khadiii60 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability.
task achievement
In discussions, ensure to explore both viewpoints thoroughly before concluding.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to better express your views.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs to clearly separate your ideas, making sure each paragraph discusses a single main idea.
task achievement
When providing examples, aim for specificity and detail to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Successfully introduced the topic and provided a clear conclusion reflecting your stance.
task achievement
Effectively used examples, like India's cricket success, to support your view.
task achievement
Presented a balanced discussion by considering both viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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