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Band 7.5

More and more people are buying fashionable clothes these days. Does it have more negative or positive effects? Give reasons.

#people #clothes #effects
In the modern era, since there is a large range of stylish
clothes
, investing money in fashionable
clothes
 is becoming popular significantly. In
this
 essay, I will justify both a positive and a negative development in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence, the first and foremost reason behind
this
 trend is
people
 have a wide range of
clothes
 to wear
according to
 the events they are going to attend.
For example
, in the past, individuals had to wear the same kind of
clothes
 on every occasion whether it was a marriage or birthday party
however
,these days, individuals know more about fashion sense than before, and they are well-dressed
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Consequently
, because of an immense amount of
clothes
,
people
 do not need to wear the same outfit every time
while
 attending different events.
However
, despite having positive aspects, there are certain negative developments. First of all, since the least preference is given to traditional attires, the number of stores that sell cultural outfits is decreasing rapidly.
For example
, most
people
 choose to buy fashionable clothing rather than wearing their custom attire which is affecting their business and most of these shops are shutting down.
Additionally
,
people
 are not giving value to their traditional stores because of
this
, traditional outfits are going to disappear
due to
 less demand. In conclusion,
although
 there is a positive aspect of
this
 trend, the negative effect should not be neglected because it has a negative influence on the traditional culture which can lead
people
 to give less attention to their culture.
Submitted by simranjot0002 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try linking ideas more smoothly between paragraphs with transitional phrases.
language
Include more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to boost your writing style and engagement.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your examples are specific and clearly connected to the main points for a stronger argument.
structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively framed your essay.
content
Your essay effectively addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
content
You have included relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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