IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern world, men and women must
work
Use synonyms
 to
support
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 high inflation. Some believe that infants often feel low
support
Use synonyms
 in their parent's absence.
However
Linking Words
, alternative shifts are the best solution to manage the quality of time with
children
Use synonyms
. The following paragraphs of
this
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on detailed reasons and solutions with relevant examples. In the past, women used to nurture the kids,
while
Linking Words
 husbands were bread earners,
however
Linking Words
, high expenses regarding basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as school and college fees,
children
Use synonyms
’s living expenses, and, extra classes expenses forced both mother and father to join jobs, and
this
Linking Words
 tendency help them to manage every cost like sending their youngsters to foreign for
further
Linking Words
 study. Not only do the juveniles acquire the latest skills from international universities, but they
also
Linking Words
 make the future in the same country.
Likewise
Linking Words
; My
parents
Use synonyms
 supported me in acquiring study in an international university in Delhi, and
as a result
Linking Words
, I became a Senior Web Developer,
besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, I never faced a financial crisis
due to
Linking Words
 the high income of my
parents
Use synonyms
. So,
this
Linking Words
 statement proves that both mother and father should
work
Use synonyms
 to provide additional
support
Use synonyms
 to their kids.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can
support
Use synonyms
 their
children
Use synonyms
 by doing alternative shifts, the biggest example in Canada, where males
work
Use synonyms
 at night and females
work
Use synonyms
 during the day to be present to take care of their young ones. People have been applying
this
Linking Words
 approach since the beginning of the 21st century,
due to
Linking Words
 its, suitability and cost-effectiveness.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 never feel alone
while
Linking Words
 one parent is at
work
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, after discussing the reason, it can be clearly stated that the high boom in the prices for goods demands both working
parents
Use synonyms
, to
support
Use synonyms
 the mental and emotional well-being of the child
parents
Use synonyms
 can adopt the approach of alternative shifts.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider adding clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on the alternative shifts example - how does this specifically help children feel less alone?
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your introduction by briefly summarizing the main points you will discuss.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a balanced view on the issue.
task achievement
Relevant examples, particularly the personal anecdote about your background, add value to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income household
  • financial stability
  • extracurricular activities
  • role models
  • self-reliance
  • independent
  • emotional well-being
  • work-life balance
  • neglected
  • quality time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: