IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #city #countryside #choice
Nowadays, there is still a debatable
things
Change the noun form
thing
show examples
 whether it is better to raise
children
 in the
city
 or in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
countryside
. In
this
 essay, I will try to discuss both of
the
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 views. One major benefit of raising
children
 in the
city
 is that it has many
facillities
Correct your spelling
facilities
 like many new courses and
also
international
Correct article usage
an international
show examples
 school. All of these facilities will help
children
, especially
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
older
children
, shape their focus on what kind of things
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they like and later develop their
carreer’s
Correct your spelling
career
career’s
 development.
Furthermore
, there are
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of job vacancies in the
city
as well as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher regional
mininum
Correct your spelling
minimum
 wage than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
countryside
 for the parents. It is surely going to be one of the
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to reach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic stability in the household that later help the parents to give the best of
facillities
Correct your spelling
facilities
 that they can afford to raise their child.
However
, raising
children
 in
Correct article usage
the acountryside
show examples
acountryside
Correct your spelling
countryside
a countryside
also
 has many
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
.
Firstly
, the majority of
countryside’s
Correct article usage
the countryside’s
show examples
 landscape is
mountain
Add an article
a mountain
the mountain
show examples
 and the
countryside
 itself has less many buildings.
This
 is the best site for developing the sense of the younger
children
.
For example
, If a child Is used to
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 in a land, it will stimulate their growth so they are going to be on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their milestone. The
countryside
 with that small amount of people living in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
countryside
 will make parents more trust to let their breed
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
explore the road, it will lead them to develop their communication and social skills
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other people.
Overall
, I feel that raising
children
 should be in a
city
 because the positive effect outweighs the
reasong
Correct your spelling
reasoning
reason
reasons
 raising child in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
This
 is as long as
children
 are given a wide range to choose
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Use
Consider avoiding repetitive phrases and focusing on using a wider range of vocabulary to articulate your points more effectively. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Argument Strength
Integrate specific examples to support your claims. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing. While you have provided some examples, aiming for more detailed and specific instances could improve your essay's persuasiveness.
Structure
You have successfully introduced the topic and provided a clear structure to your essay, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and presents your opinion, which is a positive aspect of task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • rural area
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • advanced medical facilities
  • peaceful
  • less pollution
  • access to nature
  • community feel
  • foster a sense of belonging
  • natural surroundings
  • outdoor activities
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural richness
  • wholesome upbringing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: