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Band 2.5

In the modern world¬, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

#world¬ #animals #food #products #medicines
in the present world , there are a
lot
apply
Verb problem
apply
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of people who think there is no need to
useage
Correct your spelling
use
animals
 as food or other products, like medicines and clothing ,I strongly agree with
this
 viewpoint because it is torture for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 because there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a
lot
 of alternatives .
to begin
 with, it is a
torutue
Correct your spelling
torture
 for the
animals
 , animal is
creautur
Correct your spelling
creature
creator
creatures
 of god why would we kill them and
tortre
Correct your spelling
torture
 them in the worst way ,
for example
 , what fast clothes companies do around the world
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
especially
Africa
Change preposition
in Africa
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 because they do not have lows to protect those little creatures .
secondly
 , there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a
lot
 of options for food
especally
Correct your spelling
especially
 recently there is a
lot
 of
resatarant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
 just for vegans , when it comes to clothes there are a
lot
 of alternatives
for example
 synthetic leather and it looks
exactlly
Correct your spelling
exactly
 the same or better.
to sum up
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 mentioned two points of no need to use
animals
 , i firmly
Correct your spelling
believe
belivee
Correct your spelling
believe
 in that because it is torture for the
animals
 AND there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a
lot
 of alternatives
Submitted by sama.abl24 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, it's important to structure paragraphs clearly with a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that links back to the essay’s main argument.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure you fully address all parts of the task. This involves discussing both sides of the argument if required, and making your position clear throughout the essay.
Language Use
Using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures can make your argument more convincing and your writing more engaging.
Language Use
Be cautious with spelling, grammar, and punctuation to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear opinion and stuck to it throughout the essay, which is good for task response.
Task Achievement
You made attempts to use examples to support your points, which enhances the relevance of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've shown an ability to organize ideas in a logical manner by presenting points sequentially.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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