There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Nowadays there

are

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show examples

pressure

for

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young

people

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to have good

school

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results in academic

subjects

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. It is difficult for young

people

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to get to university and to find work after education. So some

people

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think that non-academic

subjects

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are not as good for

children

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to learn at

school

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and they should only do academic

subjects

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. I disagree with

this

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statement and think non-academic

subjects

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are

also

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good for learning and developing

children

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Firstly

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I think that

school

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is not only a place for learning academic

subjects

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and that other

subjects

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can be very useful at

school

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For example

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, when

children

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learn physical education it is not only academic learning but

also

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other things.

Also

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children

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can learn how can they be in good health and

this

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is important for their life. Because many

people

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have obesity and

this

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is not a good situation. If

children

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learn physical education they would not have obesity as much.

Secondly

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, I think that it is useful for

school

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for teaching other things at

school

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like cookery. I think that

this

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is a good skill for

people

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to learn for their health and

also

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there are many jobs with cookery.

For example

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, maybe you can open a restaurant or have different cooking work.

Therefore

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this

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is a good situation for some

children

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and is good for learning non-academic

subjects

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. In conclusion, I think that

children

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can learn academic and non-academic

subjects

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and

school

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and

this

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is the best thing for

children

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however

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, maybe there can be after-

school

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lessons or clubs for

children

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to learn skills and teachings that are non-academic and be more academic during

school

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time.

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue May 07 2024

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task achievement

To improve the clarity of your essay, try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points. For example, instead of just mentioning the issue of obesity, you could discuss how physical education classes contribute to lifelong healthy habits.

coherence cohesion

Work on maintaining a clear logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has one main idea, supported by examples or explanations. This will help your essay flow better and make your arguments more persuasive.

task achievement

To strengthen your response, consider addressing potential counterarguments. This demonstrates critical thinking and a thorough understanding of the topic.

structure

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.

task achievement

Your essay shows a good balance, recognizing the value of both academic and non-academic subjects.

general

The language used is straightforward and mostly clear, making your main ideas easy to understand.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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