There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays there
are
pressure Change the verb form
is
for
young Change preposition
on
people
to have good school
results in academic subjects
. It is difficult for young people
to get to university and to find work after education. So some people
think that non-academic subjects
are not as good for children
to learn at school
and they should only do academic subjects
. I disagree with this
statement and think non-academic subjects
are also
good for learning and developing children
.
Firstly
I think that school
is not only a place for learning academic subjects
and that other subjects
can be very useful at school
. For example
, when children
learn physical education it is not only academic learning but also
other things. Also
, children
can learn how can they be in good health and this
is important for their life. Because many people
have obesity and this
is not a good situation. If children
learn physical education they would not have obesity as much.
Secondly
, I think that it is useful for school
for teaching other things at school
like cookery. I think that this
is a good skill for people
to learn for their health and also
there are many jobs with cookery. For example
, maybe you can open a restaurant or have different cooking work. Therefore
this
is a good situation for some children
and is good for learning non-academic subjects
.
In conclusion, I think that children
can learn academic and non-academic subjects
and school
and this
is the best thing for children
. however
, maybe there can be after-school
lessons or clubs for children
to learn skills and teachings that are non-academic and be more academic during school
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task achievement
To improve the clarity of your essay, try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points. For example, instead of just mentioning the issue of obesity, you could discuss how physical education classes contribute to lifelong healthy habits.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a clear logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has one main idea, supported by examples or explanations. This will help your essay flow better and make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
To strengthen your response, consider addressing potential counterarguments. This demonstrates critical thinking and a thorough understanding of the topic.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good balance, recognizing the value of both academic and non-academic subjects.
general
The language used is straightforward and mostly clear, making your main ideas easy to understand.