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Writing Samples
Band 8

Success is often measured in terms of how much money somebody has earned. Do you think wealth is a good measure of success? How else could we measure whether somebody is successful or not?

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Success
 is a very subjective aspect, as the factors determining them vary. Some
people
 often quantify
success
 by how much money someone has gained. I disagree with gauging the net worth is the sole way to determine the
success
. Having a healthy life is another factor that defines it. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on my opinion with supporting examples.
To begin
 with, measuring moral values is more important than financial ones. We know that we live in a modern society era where
people
 are racing to make some bucks. Some individuals with vast net worth tend to lack a moral or ethical backbone.
Therefore
, it may cause anyone who falls short to complain incessantly and become ungrateful and greedy.
On the contrary
, Bill Gates, the wealthiest man in the world, is one example of a Philanthropist who spent his fortune on his private foundation. He believes living a relatively simple rather than luxurious life makes him joyous regardless of wealth.
On the other hand
, there are other indicators as well that can determine if an individual is successful or not, like physical and psychological health.
For example
, many individuals neglect their health and their emotional states.
Hence
,
this
 approach often leads to burnout, decreased productivity, and even become depressed. When
people
 prioritize their health, they can perform at their best, maintain high levels of focus, and handle stress more effectively.
As a result
,
people
 become more productive and efficient in their work, setting the stage for long-term
success
.
Thus
, the definition of
success
 cannot be exact for each individual, as everyone has a different perspective.
This
 essay discusses that being high-minded is a better approach to defining
success
 than money.
Besides
, being physically fit and mentally balanced are
also
 essential in evaluating the level of their accomplishments.
Submitted by aquariusgirl17 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure clarity and precision in discussing both sides of the argument, to strengthen your argumentation further.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance your essay, integrate a broader range of cohesive devices and vary your sentence structures to improve flow and readability.
Structure
Your structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively guides the reader through your argument.
Use of Examples
The relevant examples, such as the mention of Bill Gates, significantly strengthen your argument and make your points more tangible for the reader.
Responding to Task
You have effectively addressed the essay question, providing a thoughtful perspective on alternative measures of success beyond financial wealth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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