IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that sports play an important role in society. Others think they are nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #role #society #leisure #activity
There is a debate over the relative importance of
sports
 in the development of society with some people arguing
sports
 contribute to societal progress and
overall
 well-being,
while
 others say that all
sports
 activities are merely pastimes.
Although
 some
sports
 are hazardous and dangerous and lead to some kind of injuries,doing
sports
 regularly impacts both the health system and general productivity. I completely agree with
this
 statement because their benefits are more than negative damages. There are negative impacts of
sport
 on society that may not always be readily apparent in enjoying the circle of friends and family. Notably, some types of
sports
such
 as football, and wrestling not only push health issues associated with breaking legs, or hands but
also
 sometimes, they can result in death. Arguably, both children and teenagers take part in competitions and they harm their bodies, because of their uncarefulness and
this
 situation has to require treatment.
As a result
 of
this
, their parents can face challenges financially and in terms of medicine. In today's urbanised world, all
sports
 play a crucial role in saving societal progress and
overall
 well-being.By doing consistent
sports
, both genders can avoid being overweight and having many health issues. It is common knowledge that many people are winning competitions by doing
sports
 in their countries,
as a consequence
 is
this
, they can see the feelings of patriotism and they can up their flag.
Moreover
,
sport
 is one of the drivers of societal progress.
Sport
 has a major impact on a person's mental and physical well-being.
This
 is exemplified by, it can better people's quality output, economics, and productivity. In conclusion, there is nothing as effective as
sports
 activities. If individuals do
sport
 in their spare time, they can prevent different sicknesses and laziness. I entirely agree with
this
 statement because their positive ways help productivity, despite having some detrimental effects.
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

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development of ideas
Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed and each point is expanded with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
balance in discussion
Keep a balanced discussion by allocating similar lengths and depth of analysis to both views before giving your opinion.
sentence structures
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and interest. Using a mixture of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more engaging.
evidence support
Avoid making generalized or sweeping statements without backing them up with specific evidence or examples. This will make your arguments more convincing.
grammar and clarity
Review your essay for potential grammatical errors or awkward phrases that could disrupt the flow or clarity of your writing.
introduction and conclusion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, reflecting a good understanding of the essay structure.
clear stance
You have presented a clear stance on the topic, which is consistent throughout the essay.
vocabulary usage
The essay includes varied vocabulary relevant to the topic of sports and society, which adds depth to your discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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