IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #city #countryside #choice
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It is argued that growing up in an urban area
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more suitable for
children
,
while
 others believe that
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 is more convenient. I strongly believe that urban introduce more facilities than other parts of the country.
Benefits
Correct article usage
The benefits
show examples
 of raising
children
 in
cities
 include access to educational institutions,
healthcare
Correct article usage
a healthcare
show examples
 system, and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities. Urban environment offers a wide range of schooling options,
advanced
Correct word choice
and advanced
show examples
 medical services that help improve
children
’s well-being.
In addition
,
cities
 have many sports events, which can contribute to a child’s
well- rounded
Correct your spelling
well-rounded
show examples
 development.
On the other hand
,
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 provides
peaceful
Add an article
a peaceful
show examples
 environment to
children
 away from the
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 technology that
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 their mental and physical health.
In other words
, living in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
countryside
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
children
 to discover
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them the chance to stay away from electronic devices and
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 life, which has
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 influence on their
personalities
Change the noun form
personality
show examples
 development. In my opinion, it is better to live in large
cities
 because more options will be given.
In addition
, interaction with cultures contributes to developing an open mentality.
To conclude
, living in
cities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of offering more
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
to raise
Change preposition
for raising
show examples
children
.
Although
,
countryside
 expose
children
 to more natural life.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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task achievement
To further improve, try to delve deeper into the nuances of your arguments, providing more distinct specifics that showcase a variety of perspectives.
coherence & cohesion
Make sure to create a clear distinction between paragraphs, ensuring your essay flows naturally from one idea to the next. Use cohesive devices appropriately.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both sides of the argument and clearly stated your own opinion, which meets the task response requirement very well.
coherence & cohesion
You've maintained a logically structured response throughout, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion, which aids in clarity and understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • rural area
  • extracurricular activities
  • well-rounded development
  • advanced medical facilities
  • peaceful
  • less pollution
  • access to nature
  • community feel
  • foster a sense of belonging
  • natural surroundings
  • outdoor activities
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural richness
  • wholesome upbringing
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