IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook)have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society?To what extent do you agree? In the current world, The usage of technology is constantly on the rise.

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In the era of modernisation, it is increasingly common to find people who are addicted to using social networks like Instagram, Telegram, Facebook, and many more.
However
Linking Words
, there are both benefits and drawbacks to
this
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 tendency.
That is
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 why I partially agree with
this
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 statement. On the one hand, it is much more important for individuals to keep up with daily news, fashions, technology, and others so that they can be aware of what is happening throughout the world and around them. In order to achieve
this
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 trend, human beings prefer surfing the Internet and can obtain whatever they search for as anything
such
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 as news, ads, and videos can spread fast and easily. An example of
this
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 view is that a person can get and share any informative materials at any time by just clicking a button on a screen. Another positive site is that it is possible to shop online, make money, get online courses and communicate with others over a long distance.
For instance
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, companies can sell their products, goods or services by taking photos and making videos on their Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Amazon accounts.
On the other hand
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, users can witness the negative consequences of
such
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 networks
while
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 accessing these sites. I mean that people waste most of their precious time just browsing and watching the contents of these social platforms.
As a result
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 of
this
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, they could neglect or ignore the most essential things they should do in their lives. To take an example, an individual who is accustomed to utilizing the Net might lose relationships with family members, friends, neighbours and other loved ones
as well as
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 it affects the level of his or her happiness negatively. In conclusion,
whereas
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 social networking sites have had long-term influences on both individuals and society over the
last
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 two decades, I feel that there should be a balance in the usage of these platforms.

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Task Achievement
To enhance the Task Achievement score, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes developing your stance more thoroughly and making sure your opinion on the extent to which you agree or disagree is expressed clearly throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Transition phrases between paragraphs and within them can make your argument flow more naturally. Consider structuring your paragraphs so that each begins with a clear topic sentence, followed by an explanation, example, and a concluding sentence that ties back to your main argument.
General
Your essay would benefit from more varied sentence structures, including complex sentences, to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and enhance readability. Additionally, though your examples are relevant, try to delve deeper into these examples to explore their impact and connect them back to your argument more explicitly.
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