Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private lives? Give your opinion about this issue?

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The

media

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play a crucial role in our lives;

however

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, sometimes they treat

celebrities

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in an unfriendly way. Some

people

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assert that

this

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is the price of being famous,

while

Linking Words

others believe the

media

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should not intrude on their privacy. I believe that

although

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the

media

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play an important role in famous

people

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's careers, some regulations should be imposed to tackle

this

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issue.

Although

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the press has many disadvantages, its chief claim to fame is that it provides many opportunities for famous

people

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For example

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, being in the public eye and becoming famous is one of the aspects of

media

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. When TV shows or broadcasters talk about

celebrities

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or invite them to their shows, the public becomes more aware of their prominence and capabilities.

This

Linking Words

exposure can keep famous

people

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in the headlines.

Furthermore

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, renowned

people

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can gain more visibility through mass

media

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, which can increase their chances of securing contracts, leading to well-being and higher income.

For example

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, the Kardashian family became famous overnight and gained wealth and financial opportunities through

media

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exposure.

On the other hand

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, the

media

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have invasive aspects that should not be underestimated.

For instance

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, the tabloid press sometimes announces gossip and stereotypes about well-known

people

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, which can be harmful.

This

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sensational news can cause

celebrities

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difficulties,

such

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as being fired from movie projects.

Moreover

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, some paparazzi intrude on

celebrities

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' lives, seeking moments to take photos at inappropriate times and invading their privacy aggressively during their leisure time. In conclusion,

although

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the

media

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play a vital role in contemporary lives, they have significant drawbacks,

such

Linking Words

as treating renowned

people

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in an unfriendly way. I believe that

this

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is not a price

celebrities

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should pay for fame. Regardless of the benefits of

media

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, we should address

this

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issue and impose regulations to protect their privacy.

sarasadeghi74Tue Jul 16 2024

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task achievement

Your essay very clearly responds to the question with relevant arguments and examples. However, it might benefit from a slightly deeper exploration of the points, balancing the presentation of benefits and drawbacks more evenly.

coherence cohesion

While the ideas flow well overall, consider using a few more transitional phrases to enhance the coherence and connectivity between the paragraphs and main points within each paragraph.

task achievement

The essay provides a comprehensive and well-rounded argument on the topic, covering both sides effectively.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated and effectively frame the argument, providing a strong structure.

task achievement

The essay offers relevant and specific examples, such as the reference to the Kardashian family, which strengthens the points made.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

299 words

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