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Band 5.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

#species #animals #risk
In
this
 day and age, a number of
animals
 are becoming extinct
while
 others are suffering
similarly
. The principal cause for
this
 issue is the polluted environment, yet it can be tackled by the government setting strict laws for the
waste
 treatment process. The most significant reason for the extinction of wildlife
animals
 is the natural habitat being polluted.
To begin
 with, industrialization progresses day by day in metropolises and countryside as well to support the country's development.
Consequently
, the manufacturing processes result in seriously poisoning the natural habitat of
animals
 surrounding the industrial areas
due to
 water pollution, air pollution and even soil pollution. Thereby, a great number of species will suffer from diseases and
besides
, undergo challenging migration owing to the polluted natural sources.
However
, a potential action can be taken by the authorities having punishment for the lack of responsibility of factories in dealing with
waste
. By forcing every single industry to sign in contract towards dealing with sewage which comes from
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
show examples
 process, the government will have the right to frequently examine and figure out the problems of not radically treating the
waste
.
Moreover
, on condition that the factories do not
treate
Correct your spelling
treat
create
 the wastewater before releasing it into the environment, they will receive a monetary fine and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 banned from going to work for at least four years. Take Vietnam as a prime example, where the parliament examined a factory in Ho Chi Minh City without announcement,
found
Correct word choice
and found
show examples
 some shortcomings in water treatment, afterwards, it had to totally be closed down three years later. In conclusion, the natural habitat of many species
being
Add a missing verb
is being
show examples
 affected
due to
 industrial activities, yet it can be solved by the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 having strict rules for
factories'
Correct your spelling
factories waste
waste
 treatment programs, leading to minimizing the severe problems of
animals
being
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 extinct
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the task. This will help in maintaining the focus of the response.
task achievement
Include more varied and precise vocabulary to enhance the clarity and depth of the points discussed. Try to avoid repetition for a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly and improve the flow of the essay. This will help in achieving better coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammar and sentence structure to avoid confusing the reader. Review complex sentence formations to ensure clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task, discussing reasons why some species are becoming extinct and suggesting solutions to tackle the problem.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context of the discussion and the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points, providing a sense of closure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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