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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents choosing to self-educate their children at home rather then sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

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Recently, the ratio of
parents
 selecting homeschooling
instead
 of sending them to
school
 has significantly increased. The writer believes that
this
 method’s positive sides cannot outweigh the drawbacks and the writer will reveal some main reasons to explain
this
 opinion.
To begin
 with self-educating, it can be seen that
this
 way of study supports adults in following their children’s learning process.
In other words
,
parents
 spend almost all their time presenting
knowledge
Add an article
the knowledge
show examples
 to their kids and navigating them correctly, avoiding bad changes in
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 that often occur in adolescents.
Additionally
,
this
 method is
also
 a cost-effective alternative for some families’s finances, reducing tuition fees and other exorbitant costs.
However
, the benefits of learning at
school
 run away from homeschooling because of its high quality in both academic and social life. To clarify, it can be noticed that recently, the curriculum of students has changed appreciably compared with in the past.
That is
 why teachers who possess high levels of academics can able to give the right program for pupils to learn effectively
while
parents
 cannot adapt.
Besides
, when going to
school
, kids have opportunities to collaborate with peers, improve their problem-solving skills, and learn how to work in a team.
For instance
, children who grow up under the protection of their
parents
 cannot be as independent as the ones who interact with people around frequently.
Thus
, sending kids to
school
 creates a good environment for them to develop by themselves. Taking everything into account, it should be acknowledged that both learning methods have their advantages, depending on finances and the point of view of individuals. I still believe that studying at
school
 is the best way to gain knowledge.
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Coherence and Cohesion
You've given a clear introduction to your stance and outlined your main reasons, which strongly supports your argument. To enhance your essay, consider diversifying your sentence structures and linking phrases to showcase a greater range of language skills.
Task Achievement
Including more specific examples or data to support your arguments about the disadvantages of homeschooling compared to traditional schooling could strengthen your essay. This would give your argument more depth and persuasiveness.
Logical Structure
Your essay clearly introduces your stance on the topic, and you've logically structured your argument, presenting a balanced view on both the benefits and drawbacks of homeschooling.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively framing your discussion and providing a clear stance which is consistent throughout.
Supported Main Points
You've supported your main points with explanations, which is great. For an even stronger impact, integrate more varied examples or real-world scenarios to bolster your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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