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Band 6.5

Some educators believe that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree? 1- job, relax 2- time consuming, difficult

#educators #child #instrument #job #time
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An argument has arisen about the importance of teaching children how to play musical instruments. In
this
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 report, I will go through the merits and demerits of
this
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 statement, and
then
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 allow me to share my point of view.
To begin
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 with,
music
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 is joyful, relaxing, interesting, motivating, and profitable;
as a consequence
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, many teachers believe that it is essential to learn about
munsical
Correct your spelling
musical
tools
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.
Firstly
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, students will be able to work as musicians.
For example
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, many poor people are not able to attend universities, so playing musical instruments will help them
to
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apply
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get money without attending academies.
Secondly
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,
music
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 is relaxing. For
further
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 explanation, many experts acknowledged that it helps many people
in
Change preposition
of
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 various ages to feel relaxed, restful, and comfortable, so they advise children to learn how to play them.
Although
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 the points mentioned above are influencing, there are reverse points that hold equal influence.
This
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 will be a time-consuming activity. To explain that, many students say that they prefer to concentrate on learning interesting fields
instead
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 of learning about
music
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.
Besides
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 that, a survey captured that many children are not interested in learning about it, but they, indeed, like to listen to it.
Additionally
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, the idea requires money, experts, and
tools
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. Many studies show that it is difficult, money-consuming, and useless because in the majority of countries, the schools' budgets are limited, and they need
tools
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 to teach
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, which are expensive, so usually teaching becomes useless without these pieces of equipment.
Also
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, many articles said that usually musicians are not interested in teaching;
as a result
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, it is extremely hard to find an expert teacher. In conclusion, even though teaching
music
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 is cheerful, astonishing, and interesting, it requires money,
tools
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, and experts;
however
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, I completely disagree with the educators'
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
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.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the question prompt in both the introduction and conclusion for greater clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and transition phrases to enhance flow between ideas.
Task Achievement
When presenting arguments, ensure a balance between discussing positives and negatives to fully address the task.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments, especially when discussing the benefits or drawbacks that are not as widely acknowledged.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with well-defined paragraphs for each argument.
Task Achievement
You effectively use examples to support your points, adding strength to your arguments.
Task Achievement
The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and reiterates your position clearly.
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