Many countries spend a lot of money on art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In modern society, many
coundtries
Correct your spelling
countries
expend
a huge amount of cost on Verb problem
spend
art
. It is widely accepted that expenditure for art
is imperative while
there is another opinion that the government authority should invest money for better health and education
. This
essay will discuss both perspectives and present an opinion.
On the one hand, investing expenses for art
industry is essential because it could earn more money by attracting tourists. Correct article usage
the art
In particular
, it is a
common sense that tourism revenue from well-made artwork Correct article usage
apply
account
for a large percentage of total tourism revenue. Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
For example
, countless individuals visite
the Correct your spelling
visit
louvre museum
in France, which Correct your spelling
Louvre Museum
exhibit
tons of Correct subject-verb agreement
exhibits
art
of
work Change preposition
apply
lead
to Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
accumulate
Change the verb form
accumulating
saving
for Replace the word
savings
country
.
Add an article
the country
On the other hand
, development
of health and Correct article usage
the development
education
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
satisfaction
of quality of life. These fundamental welfare policies make the Add an article
the satisfaction
overall
life of people more conveinent
. Correct your spelling
convenient
For instance
, individuals reside
in developed Wrong verb form
residing
countries
such
as the republic
of Korea have sufficient Capitalize word
Republic
education
system
from primary to secondary school and they can visit Fix the agreement mistake
systems
hospital
whenever they want to go. Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
Therefore
, they tend to feel more happier compared to develpoing
Correct your spelling
developing
countries
.
In conclusion, investment for
Change preposition
in
art
can be useful
source of income to help run Add an article
a useful
countries
whilst promotion
of basic health and Correct article usage
the promotion
education
could create satisfactory
society. Correct article usage
a satisfactory
However
, it is agree
that spending money Change the verb form
is agreed
for
Change preposition
on
art
outweighs improved
Wrong verb form
improving
welfare
system. Correct article usage
the welfare
Therfore
, Correct your spelling
Therefore
countries
should make efforts to develop art
industry.Correct article usage
the art
Submitted by benheo5936 on
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Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Remember to use a variety of complex sentence structures to showcase your linguistic capability. While your essay contains complex ideas, varying your sentence structure more could further enhance its readability and sophistication.
Task Achievement
Consider enhancing your argument by providing more detailed examples or data to support your points, especially in discussions about the benefits of investing in the arts versus health and education.
Lexical Resource
Be cautious with spelling and word choice to maintain clarity and professional tone throughout your essay. For instance, 'coundtries' should be 'countries,' and 'visite' should be 'visit'. These small inaccuracies can distract from your overall argument.
Introduction & Opinion
You’ve effectively introduced the topic and presented a clear opinion, which provides a solid foundation for your essay.
Balanced Discussion
Your essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the importance of investment in art and the need for spending on health and education, which demonstrates good understanding of the essay task.
Conclusion & Stance
You clearly presented and concluded your arguments, reinforcing your stance effectively, which is key to a coherent and persuasive essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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