IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the increase in international travel has a negative impact on the environment and should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #travel #impact #environment
Recently some individuals argued that growing global
travel
 is damaging the
environment
. I partially agree with the claim. Because, International
travel
 despite some negative points,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 positive influence is
also
 remarkable. On the one hand, increasing the number of international trips might harm the
environment
. It means, those who want to go do
travel
 across the world might make some footprint anywhere they want to go.
For example
, tourists want to go to another
country
 to visit some historical place and
Change preposition
apply
show examples
throughout
Change preposition
apply
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the rubbish.
Moreover
, when a large number of
tourism
Replace the word
tourists
show examples
 go to some
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 they need transport as some vehicles use oil and petrol
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a result air pollution might increase.
Therefore
, growing international
travel
 harms the
environment
.
On the other hand
, increasing global trips
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 several
advantages
 for people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personally and
also
 for the
host
country
.
For instance
, some individuals who
travel
 around the world are more mature and knowledgeable as they might communicate with multicultural people.
Furthermore
, growing large overseas to the
host
country
 helps the economy of the
host
country
.
For example
, when a large number of students come to Australia, they need to pay for the accommodation rent is economically advantageous.
Consequently
, growing international travels have many
advantages
.
To conclude
, growing international
travel
 is harmful to the
environment
. I just half agree with the argument because
travel
 globally has some positive
advantages
 for individual growth and economic
advantages
 for the
host
country
.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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coherence cohesion
A key strength in your essay is the structure, including a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. A suggestion would be to further enhance the cohesiveness by using more varied and complex linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the task. To improve, ensure a more balanced development of ideas across the essay, and try to offer deeper analysis and more detailed examples to support your points.
language
There are some instances of grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Working on these aspects would improve the clarity and effectiveness of your writing.
structure
Structured essay with clear sections (introduction, body, conclusion).
content coverage
Addresses the prompt with arguments for both viewpoints.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • sustainable travel
  • eco-friendly
  • carbon emissions
  • habitat destruction
  • cultural dilution
  • overcrowding
  • resource depletion
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • tourism ethics
  • green initiatives
  • conservation efforts
What to do next:
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