Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.
Growing interest in
animals
has been highlighted over the past decade. From this
aspect, some opine it is always wrong to keep animals
in captivity
, for instance
in zoos
, but others hold the view there are benefits for the animals
and for humans
. This
essay will discuss both views and my personal opinion will be suggested.
It is often pointed out that keeping animals
in captivity
is merits for the animals
and for humans
. Proponents of this
argument suggest that individuals can experience a safe environment. This
is because they prevent alarming situations that are attacked by animals
in daily life. What is more, although
the probability of animal obesity cannot be overlooked, animals
are given abundant foods and drinks by zoo keepers. This
obviously leads them to maintain healthy meal habits and this
in turn results in a decline in heavy stresses associated with hunting and starvation.
Nevertheless
, some opponents insist that keeping animals
in captivity
, for instance
in zoos
is always incorrect. Although
humans
provide appropriate places and prey, animals
have faced difficulties. A pertinent example of this
is that they would lose nature hunting skills. This
eventually makes a severe reliance on humans
to obtain regular meals. In addition
, animal captivation deprives free activities, since this
phenomenon leads to insufficient exercise in narrow spaces, animals
would weaken their physical strength, so they can be vulnerable to diseases.
To recapitulate, I believe keeping animals
in captivity
, for instance
, in zoos
is always incorrect because animals
have faced difficulties that they would lose nature hunting skills and animal captivation deprives free activities. Thus
, individuals should be educated about the severity of animal captivation and a majority of zoos
will disappear.Submitted by subin12260 on
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Task Achievement
Your introduction nicely sets up the debate and presents a clear thesis statement. To enhance your task achievement score, consider illustrating your points with more specific examples. This can add depth to your argument and make your stance more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've done a good job creating a structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Phrases that indicate contrast, addition, or consequence can enhance the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Remark on the gentle way you balance both sides of the debate before stating your personal view. It shows understanding of the task. However, try to maintain a more balanced discussion throughout, before concluding with your personal stance for a more robust task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Structured argument with a clear introduction, main body, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Effective use of general examples to support your points. Consider incorporating more specific ones for a stronger argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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