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Writing Samples
Band 4

share of income earned by top 1 percent, 1975-2015

#income #percent
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The line graph delineates the proportion of
income
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 earned by the top one
percent
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per cent
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, namely the United
States
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, the United Kingdom, Canada, Italy, Germany, France and Japan from 1975 to 2015, measured in
percent
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per cent
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.
Overall
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, there was a progressive growth pattern witnessed in all datasets,with the most drastic hike witnessed in the amount of
income
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 earned in the United
States
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.
In addition
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, the proportion of
income
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 in the United
States
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 generally had by far the highest figure throughout the period. The share of
income
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 in the United
States
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 started at around 7%, after which it saw an exponential climb to under 20% in the
year end
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year-end
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 detailed. A similar change can be seen in the figure
of
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for
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income
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 in the United Kingdom and Canada, which increased from approximately 7% to around 13% in 40 years. The data
of
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on
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income
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 in Germany started at above 10%, after which it witnessed a variance between 11% and 8% in 2000
,
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apply
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 and a subsequent climb to around 14% in 2015.
Similarly
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, the figure for the
income
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 earned in France was
at
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apply
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merely 7%, followed by a slight acceleration to 9%.
Finally
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, the data
of
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on
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income
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 in both Italy and Japan saw a similar change, increasing from nearly 6% to around 9% in the
year end
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year-end
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 examined.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
While your essay presented a strong analysis of the data, ensuring a closer alignment to the task by discussing trends, comparisons, and implications would enhance task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of cohesive devices for even greater coherence and cohesion.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the scene for your analysis.
Logical Structure
You demonstrate a clear logical structure in your argument, making it easy to follow.
Supported Main Points
Your main points are well-supported with data from the datasets.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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