IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets in the first quarter of 2019

#sales #smartphones #laptops #tablets #first #quarter
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The bar chart provides information about the
purchase
 of
laptops
,
tablets
 and
smartphones
 in four months.
Overall
, with the
purchase
 of three things, their
sale
differ
Change the verb form
differs
show examples
 from each other compared to the
smartphone
. The
best
Add a hyphen
best-seller
show examples
seller
 was
phone
Add an article
a phone
the phone
show examples
 in comparison with other things. In January
laptops
 were best
seller
 to 48 compared to
tablets
 and
smartphones
.
Tablets
 were more
seller
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 to 30 than
smartphones
. The
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
sale
 was
smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
show examples
 to 18. Regarding In February
tablets
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest number of experienced sales in million units to 62.
Smartphones
 were more
seller
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 to 45 compared to
laptops
. The
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
purchase
 was
laptop
Add an article
a laptop
show examples
 to 30.
Afterwards
Add a comma
Afterwards,
show examples
 in
March
Add a comma
March,
show examples
 the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
sale
 was
smartphone
 70
however
 tablet
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 slightly
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer sales
show examples
sale
 10 than
Add an article
a smartphone
the smartphone
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
.
Laptops
 were much lesser
purchase
 20 compared to other things.
Then
 in
April
Add a comma
April,
show examples
 the most
salest
Correct your spelling
sales
 was laptop 50.
Smartphones
 were much
seller
 40 in comparison with
tablets
. The
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
purchase
 was
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
 25 compared to
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 and
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
 in April,
Respectively
Fix capitalization
respectively
show examples
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Vocabulary
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express comparisons and trends more precisely.
Structure
Use clear paragraphing to separate different points, ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea.
Structure
Introduce the topic and your overview in separate paragraphs for better structure and clarity.
Grammar
Be careful with grammatical accuracy, especially with verb tenses and agreement.
Content
Include a conclusion or summary of the main trends observed for a stronger finish.
Content
You accurately described the changes in sales over the months for the different products.
Analysis
You made a good attempt to compare sales figures across the products.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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