Prison is the common way most countries try to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide the public a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In many nations,
prison
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is considered the most effective way to tackle
crimes
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.
Nevertheless
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, one may argue that developing
education
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is a better alternative.
This
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essay will explore why I believe that
education
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cannot be as productive as
prison
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. Indeed, the incorporation of
this
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approach would allow more
individuals
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to enhance their lives without the need to break the
law
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, providing specialized knowledge and job opportunities.
However
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, I believe that there are many
individuals
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who have an innate predilection for committing
crimes
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.
That is
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to say, developing and promoting
education
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to some
individuals
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may be useless, as there would still be a large number of those who will choose the criminal path over
education
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.
For instance
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, some university alumni in Kazakhstan opt to earn money by offending the
law
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despite having a degree. The main reason behind
this
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trend is their nature and innate slant towards committing
crimes
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, which cannot be mitigated or fixed in educational institutions.
On the other hand
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,
prison
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is an effective way to prevent
people
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from breaking the
law
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. As
people
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are afraid of losing their freedom, they subconsciously tend to become more
law
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-abiding, committing fewer
crimes
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.
Whereas
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education
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is only suitable for those who do not have a predisposition for the
law
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offence,
prison
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enables to exile of all kinds of
people
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from society by depriving them of their freedom.
Therefore
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, the removal of prisons would result in higher crime incidence all around the world, as morals would be the only restraining factor for
individuals
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.
To conclude
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, better
education
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can, in fact, prevent many
people
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from offending the
law
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.
However
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, I believe that there are
people
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who were born with a predilection to commit
crimes
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and
education
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is not able to amend it.
Prison
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,
in contrast
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, affects all kinds of
people
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who are afraid of losing their freedom and is,
therefore
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, a more effective solution to the problem of crime.

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task achievement
Add more specific examples and elaborate on key points to enhance the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all ideas are clearly connected and transitions between points are smoother.
positive
The introduction effectively states the topic and your stance.
positive
The conclusion summarizes your thoughts well and reiterates your position clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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