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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, many believe that permitting children to make their own choices is a good decision.
This
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 leads to better decision-making skills for their future.
However
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, others claim that if children made their own choices on everyday subjects it could have negative consequences in different aspects of communities. The essay considers both sides of the discussion and concludes. On the one hand, opponents have a frame of mind that if youngsters have authorisation on their everyday issues it can lead to numerous irrational outcomes in societies
such
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 as selfishness and incontrollable new generations.
For example
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, raising youth by their own choices leads to bringing up many rebellious people who only think about their own wishes.
Furthermore
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, adolescents can not recognize between right and wrong properly, so in many cases allowing them to make their own
decisions
Use synonyms
 would be dangerous not only for themselves but
also
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 for their families and community.
However
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, proponents assert that teens should make
decisions
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 in their lives which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to improving their interpersonal and personal skills which is essential for them in different aspects.
For instance
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, if youngsters tried to choose their own options in their childhood it would provide momentous experiences in their future life which can be effective for their
further
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decisions
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.
Moreover
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, making
decisions
Use synonyms
 provides a bedrock for them to become an independent individual shortly.
This
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 means that allowing children to think deeply about what they want would make them stronger and help them to be more professional in their lives. In conclusion, I would tend to side with the opponents because making
decisions
Use synonyms
 by teens can lead to being selfish and
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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detrimental to their societies.
although
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 it is comprehensible for some to accept that youths would become more independent in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society by making their own decision at an early age.

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task achievement
To strengthen your task achievement score, ensure you include more detailed, relevant examples to support your points. This will help illustrate your arguments more vividly and make them more convincing to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider varying your connecting words and phrases more to smoothly link ideas and paragraphs. While your essay is well-structured, greater variety in transitions can make your arguments flow even better.
task achievement
While your essay presents both views and your own opinion, try to provide a more explicit statement of your opinion in the introduction and a clear, summarised restatement in the conclusion for greater impact.
coherence and cohesion
You've done a good job in creating a logical structure across the essay. Your introduction and conclusion frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses the task, discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal stance.
coherence and cohesion
You've supported your main points with explanations, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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