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Band 5

Some people think that teenagers should make their own decisions, while others think that they are not mature enough and parents should make decisions for them. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #teenagers #decisions #parents
Whether
parents
 or
teenagers
 should be responsible for making
decisions
 bears some consideration.
This
 essay agrees that it is more beneficial for young people to make their own
life
 choices
due to
 succeeding in
life
 and taking responsibility for their actions rather than allowing
parents
 to control important
decisions
. It must be recognized that
teenagers
 should be trusted to make
decisions
 independently.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they must live
wit there
Correct your spelling
with their
show examples
 choices for the rest of their
life
.
As a result
,
of
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 young people
following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 their own direction,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 can be successful in many walks of
life
 and more importantly be happy.
Therefore
, it is easy to understand why
teenagers
 should be free to make their own
decisions
However
, some
parents
 say that
teenagers
 are not mature enough to make
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
show examples
decisions
.
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
belief is based on
teenagers
 making
baf
Correct your spelling
bad
decisions
 in their parent's eyes.
For
this
 reason,
parents
plsn
Correct your spelling
plan
 their child's
life
 for them, whether they it or not.
This
 point may be true, but
teenagers
 need to start making
decisions
 for themselves,
otherwise
, they will always depend on their
parents
.
This
 writer believes that
teenagers
 must take responsibility for their own choices.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that being
resonsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 means that
teenagers
 become more independent and learn
hoe
Correct your spelling
how
show examples
 those
decisions
 impact their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Because of
this
,
parents
 should trust their children so that they can develop and not become reliant on them later in
life
.
Thus
, becoming successful and not being over-reliant on
parents
 are essential points that need to be considered.
Hence
, it should
hace
Correct your spelling
have
 been shown that
parents
 must be confident that their children will make the right
decisions
.
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Grammar
Proofread your work to correct minor grammatical errors and typos. Correcting phrases like 'wit there choices' to 'with their choices' can greatly enhance the clarity of your essay.
Style
Try to incorporate a variety of sentence structures and more sophisticated vocabulary to elevate the quality of your writing.
Content
Integrating more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments can strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
Task Response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear personal stance.
Coherence
Overall logical structure is strong, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion summarizing the writer's opinion.
Cohesion
The essay presents main points that are generally well-supported and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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