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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality high school students should be encouraged to question and offer criticism on their teachers. Others think this will you lead to a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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It is often believed that
students
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 should be encouraged to be critical of
teachers
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 for the advancement of learning quality
while
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 other people are concerned about it leading to the loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. I partially agree with the former, for a positive attitude toward learning allows them to be more independent thinkers regardless of the potentially hostile relationships between
teachers
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 and
students
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. On the one hand,
students
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' critical attitudes should be encouraged as they are more likely to internalize various ideas to themselves.
In other words
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, they are often able to increase their understanding by altering their perspectives and making new discoveries.
For instance
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, a movie called "three idiots" depicts a male student who often criticizes professors but finds a complex mechanism of mathematics which no one could achieve.
Therefore
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,
such
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 an inquisitive attitude should be rewarded to promote their deep analysis
as well as
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 positive commitments to become more responsible for their own educational roles.
On the other hand
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, it is disadvantageous since critical
students
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 will find it hard to maintain a peaceful relationship with
teachers
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, who may be embarrassed by their insufficiency of knowledge. Indeed, some
teachers
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 would be offended since they expect them to oblige to rules and absorb common knowledge from textbooks as it is.
Furthermore
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, their unique ideas can even lose the value of an established theory, which can cause a sense of distrust among other
students
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.
Thus
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, it will be difficult for them to ensure shared knowledge and promote their understanding as they cooperate with other learners and
teachers
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. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the critical attitude of learning is beneficial to discovering an unknown theory by altering their viewpoints.
However
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, they can damage relationships with other
students
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 and lecturers
due to
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 their unfamiliar ideas that other people may find hard to follow.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and discusses both views effectively. However, ensure that your position remains consistent and clear throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve further, consider making your transitions between ideas slightly smoother to enhance the overall flow.
supported main points
You support your main points well with relevant examples, such as the reference to the movie 'Three Idiots'. Try to incorporate more varied examples to strengthen your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the debate and presents your nuanced stance clearly.
relevant specific examples
The use of the example from 'Three Idiots' is a strong point that adds depth to your argument.
logical structure
The essay maintains a good structure with logical progression of ideas and a clear conclusion.
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