IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, think that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Some people assume that mixed-gender
schools
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 are more efficient at teaching
children
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 properly,
while
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 other individuals find single-gender
schools
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 as a
more
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apply
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preferable option. Even though
,
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seperating
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separating
children
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 by gender can remove all of the distractions, they will miss a ton of social skills, which are extremely needed nowadays. On the one hand, when boys and girls attend separate
schools
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, they will spend more time focusing on their
studies
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.
This
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 is because there will not be any opposite gender to be attracted to and to get involved in any affairs. The schooling hours will be fully utilised to learn something rather than being diverted from
studies
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 and spending time with the ones they might have
affair
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affairs
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 within the
school
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.
For example
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, in Nepal, students from St. Mary’s Girls
School
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 showed
a
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better academic performance than the girls who completed their
school
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 years at a co-educational institution.
However
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, I believe that
children
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 attending mixed
school
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 will learn to be more social in the future.
On the other hand
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, co-education is more beneficial for
children
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 because they will learn some social skills during their
school
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 years.
This
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 is to say that
children
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 of both genders will be allowed to have combined
studies
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 and will learn how to deal politely with a person of the opposite sex, an important skill which is highly accepted by society.
For example
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, boys who finished their
studies
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 at co-educational
schools
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 showed more courtesy towards ladies by offering some help when required.
For
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this
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 reason, it is better for
children
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 to attend mixed
schools
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 as it helps them to learn essential social skills. In conclusion, few parents believe that their
children
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 will learn more in single-gender
schools
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. But they tend to forget that their kids will be socially isolated without
a
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apply
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daily access to the opposite gender.

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both views on the topic and offering a clear opinion. However, to enhance your task achievement score, try to develop your argument further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will help make your response even more compelling and comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, to improve coherence, make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluidly. This will help ensure that your essay reads smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are supported with examples, but some explanations could be more in-depth. For instance, you could elaborate more on how being in a mixed-gender school improves social skills and why these skills are essential in today's society. Adding more depth to each main point can enhance the overall strength of your argument.
task achievement
Consider addressing some potential rebuttals to your argument. This will not only show a balanced view but will also further demonstrate your critical thinking skills and ability to analyze different perspectives.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both views on the topic and provides a personal opinion, which is essential for the task response criterion.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, helping to frame the essay and make your argument clear.
coherence and cohesion
The use of examples, such as the reference to St. Mary’s Girls School and courteous behavior of boys from co-educational schools, helps to support your main points effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
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