IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people are moving from rural areas to cities in search of a better life, but city life has its own problems. What are these problems? Suggest some solutions.

At the present time, an increasing number of people are moving from rural
areas
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 to urban
areas
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 in order to find a better life, yet meanwhile,
city
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 life has its own
issues
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. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse some relevant problems and suggest some solutions as well. It is obvious that
issues
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 in
cities
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 are complicated.
Firstly
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, the large population in
cities
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 has led to the housing shortage.
For instance
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, in many big
cities
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, a large number of people have to live in the suburbs because the rent is too high in the
city
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.
As a result
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, these people must commute to the
city
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 to work every day, which leads to the second problem –
traffic
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 congestion. Indeed,
traffic
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 jams have become a major concern in so many
cities
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 around the world. Take Shanghai as an example. If someone wants to drive from the eastern side to the western side of Shanghai, they may spend six or seven hours on the road because of
traffic
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 congestion. The third problem is pollution. It seems that air pollution and water pollution are more severe in
cities
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 than in rural
areas
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, and research has proved that overcrowded
cities
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 suffer from these
issues
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 even more because of the large population.
Accordingly
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, the solutions to the aforementioned
issues
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 should
also
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 be varied. First and foremost, the government should supply cheaper urban housing so that workers can afford to live in
cities
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.
For example
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, Australian
cities
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such
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 as Adelaide and Perth have government housing in
city
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 centres in order to support low-income families.
Then
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, the government needs to improve transport infrastructure and manage the volume of
traffic
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.
This
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 is
due to
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 the consideration that there are always many commuters every day.
Above all
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,
city
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 dwellers must raise their awareness about how to protect the environment and live in a sustainable way. That means everyone has to help
cities
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
address
this
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 problem before the damage caused by
this
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 trend becomes irreversible. To summarise, several problems are caused by the increasing population in urban
areas
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. I believe that we should take measures including providing affordable housing in
cities
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, improving transport infrastructure and raising public awareness about an eco-friendly lifestyle to solve those disturbing
issues
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.

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linguistic flexibility
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures to demonstrate more linguistic flexibility.
detailed examples
Consider integrating more specific examples to strengthen your argument further. While Shanghai serves as a good example of traffic congestion, additional varied examples could enrich your essay.
sentence variety
Be cautious of repetitive sentence beginnings. Varying your sentence openings can enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
structure
You've effectively structured your essay, with a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
content coverage
Your essay addresses the prompt comprehensively, discussing problems and suggesting practical solutions, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
use of examples
Your use of an example, such as Shanghai, to illustrate traffic congestion was apt and adds credence to your discussion.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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