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Band 5.5

Some educational experts say that children have to do homework. However others say that homework does more harm than good.

#experts #children #homework #harm
Numerous educational experts emphasize the importance of
homework
 for children.
However
, there are
also
 individuals who
aruge
Correct your spelling
argue
 that
homework
 lacks benefits for them altogether(완전히).
This
 argument(debate) has been ongoing in modern society since we started to consider(seek) more efficient ways to teach(educate)
students
. To consider
this
 divergence, it is necessary to realize how
homework
 affects children’s lives.
Firstly
, objectors of
homework
 think that excessive
homework
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 an imbalance between academic and non-academic talents for
students
. It is because they have little time
pursue
Fix the infinitive
to pursue
show examples
 interests
such
 as learning musical instruments or participating in sports after school.
According to
 the Institute of Korean Education,
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the majority of Korean
students
 primarily focus on doing
homework
 related to principal subjects
such
 as mathematics and sciences, resulting in a significant gap in
knowldege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and skills between academic and non-academic subjects.
This
 example clearly illustrates the challenge
students
 face in obtaining a well-rounded education
due to
 the burden of
homework
.
Conversly
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, several experts argue that
assigments
Correct your spelling
assignments
 serve not only to enhance
students
’ academic skills but
also
 to
intsill
Correct your spelling
instil
 a sense of responsibility in completing tasks on time. Children can learn the importance/significance of
honoring
Change the spelling
honouring
show examples
 commitments to teachers and classmates.
For instance
, a student may realize during a science class that the session does not progress smoothly because he failed to research his assigned topic,
thus
 he was not able to give any useful information to classmates and the teacher.
This
 illustrates
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how doing
homework
 is a phase of learning about responsibility in class.
While
 both
perspective
Change to a plural noun
perspectives
show examples
 hold merit,
it is clear that
 the advantages of
homework
 far outweigh its disadvantages as long as teachers provide adequate and appropriate
assignements
Correct your spelling
assignments
 to their
students
.
Therefore
, I strongly believe that doing
homework
 is essential for
students
 to cultivate a great sense of
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
.
Submitted by jb22809467 on

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General
To boost your score further, consider varying your sentence structures more, and ensure careful proofreading to eliminate minor grammatical and spelling errors.
Task Achievement
Providing counterarguments more clearly could improve the balance and depth of your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Using a wider range of linking words could enhance the flow of your essay.
Introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear stance in your introduction, guiding the reader through your essay.
Balance
Your essay provides a balanced view by presenting arguments from both sides, which aids in fulfilling the task requirements.
Example Usage
The use of specific examples, such as the reference to the Institute of Korean Education, strengthens your arguments.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the essay's main argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reinforce
  • discipline
  • time management
  • parental involvement
  • academic challenges
  • stress
  • burnout
  • extracurricular
  • disparity
  • effectiveness
  • moderate
  • tailored
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